Richard Yates, "Tao Lin's second novel" (~55,600 word count),

will be published September 07 2010 by Melville House, for more information go here.



Journalists interested in "covering" Richard Yates, "Tao Lin's second novel," are encouraged to talk to their editors at this time. Richard Yates will be published September 07 2010. One can look at it on Goodreads or Amazon. There is a Facebook group and a website (website "heavily" "in development"). The cover "pic" is by Michael E. Northrup.

Journalists interested in a galley for review/interview purposes can email Megan Halpern at megan [at] mhpbooks.com, I think galleys will be available in 2-5 months. Editors from other countries interested in "acquiring" Richard Yates for their homeland/country are encouraged to go here. Thank you for your time/consideration.

6-minute/1-star amazon video review re 'shoplifting from american apparel'

'[a]ndrew gives a surprising take on this controversial novelist and his latest novella' (more info here)

three stories from 'bed' and some of 'eeeee eee eeee'

can now be read here, the stories are love is a thing on sale for more money than there exists (4782 word count), leftover crack in red hook (5553 word count), and sasquatch (4874 word count); also available is bed's table of contents

Joe Gould's Secret by Joseph Mitchell

I read Joe Gould's Secret by Joseph Mitchell ~10/08, I think, alone in my room. It combines two essays published in the New Yorker in 1942/1964. It is about an unemployed homeless person in Manhattan ~5'0" tall, I think, who tells people he is writing a book that is currently ~9,000,000 words. The person is Joe Gould. Joseph Mitchell profiles Joe Gould for the New Yorker and Joe Gould uses the opportunity to talk to Joseph Mitchell ~10 hours/night ~10 nights, becoming very drunk each night, talking "nonstop" about himself while being served free alcohol, due to not having anyone to talk to normally that would listen to him with interest. At one point Joe Gould says he is aware Joseph Mitchell is being forced, in a way, to listen to him, and so he is taking advantage, by talking a lot. At one point I think Joe Gould sort of "pauses" for a moment from talking to ask Joseph Mitchell if he is annoyed at him for talking so much. Joseph Mitchell thinks about being polite, but then says "yes," he is annoyed, despite having chosen him to write a feature article on. Joe Gould seems unaffected and continues talking.

After the profile is published in 1942 (the first part of the book) Joe Gould continues talking to Joseph Mitchell by visiting his New Yorker office and calling him a lot (sort of on the pretext that he has no address and so has to get the letters addressed to him, due to the profile, via Joseph Mitchell via the New Yorker), and Joseph Mitchell becomes very annoyed (this is written about in the second part of the book, in the article published in 1964, after Joe Gould has died) and a little scared, because the more Joe Gould talks to him the more "common information" will exist between them, Joseph Mitchell knows, and the more attached Joe Gould will become to him. Then Joseph Mitchell thinks the only want to "get rid of" Joe Gould is to get a publisher interested in his ~9,000,000-word book. After some research Joseph Mitchell learns that the book doesn't exist.

There are two very emotional scenes. One is when Joseph Mitchell sort of finds out that Joe Gould has been lying about his ~9,000,000 word book. The other (I'm ~95% certain I "cried," to some degree, after reading this) is when Joe Gould, late in one of the ~10-hour talking sessions, drunk, says he thinks often about and has "never forgiven" his mother for something she once "did to him," referring to one time when she sat openly crying in front of him (when he was a small child) while saying something like "my poor son" (Joe Gould had problems as a child, was very small and got sick a lot, and other things). After the 1942 profile is published Joe Gould gets some benefactors for some time, but they eventually "abandon him." He says there are times when he feels that everyone in Manhattan whom he asks for money (his job is to just ask people for money) dislikes him. I don't think he had friends. At some point he is taken to a mental hospital and dies there.

Joseph Mitchell, over a few years, looks at Joe Gould's notebooks at different times (Joe Gould always had notebooks with him that he wrote in daily, writing his ~9,000,000-word "oral history" thing, he tells everyone) and sees that Joe Gould has been rewriting the same 3-4 essays for ~20 years in different notebooks, something like 100 times (and not working on his ~9,000,000-word, because it doesn't exist), with the same structure and details each time, but different "digressions." The same essays Joe Gould rewrote repeatedly, for ~20 years, were about his father's death, his mother's death, and a satire re liking ketchup a lot.

Here is something from Wikipedia:

Mitchell's account of Joe Gould's extravagantly disguised case of writer's block, published as Joe Gould's Secret (1964), presaged the last decades of Mitchell's own life. From 1964 until his death in 1996, Mitchell would go to work at his office on a daily basis, but he never published anything significant again. In a remembrance of Mitchell printed in the June 10, 1996, issue of The New Yorker, his colleague Roger Angell wrote: "Each morning, he stepped out of the elevator with a preoccupied air, nodded wordlessly if you were just coming down the hall, and closed himself in his office. He emerged at lunchtime, always wearing his natty brown fedora (in summer, a straw one) and a tan raincoat; an hour and a half later, he reversed the process, again closing the door. Not much typing was heard from within, and people who called on Joe reported that his desktop was empty of everything but paper and pencils. When the end of the day came, he went home. Sometimes, in the evening elevator, I heard him emit a small sigh, but he never complained, never explained."

The prose style and tone and focus of the 1942 section are different in the 1964 section. The 1964 section is more detached and concrete, with not many idioms/cliches, and long sentences sometimes. I liked it. The 1964 section is much more "personal" than the 1942 section. The two sections' different tones created, to me, a non-sequitur feeling that seemed emotional/complex in terms of Joseph Mitchell. The book seems emotional both in terms of Joseph Mitchell and Joe Gould. According to Amazon it is 46,624 words. This cover makes it seem something like "a delightful comedy about overcoming shortcomings to find peace and joy in life," which is maybe the opposite of what it's like, in my view.

"a decade in review" re Tao Lin, ages 16 - 26

2000 Reads ~7 Kurt Vonnegut books in succession. Graduates high school. Eats Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich while taking bath in afternoon sunlight. Listens to Satanic Surfers, Strung Out, Choking Victim, Propagandhi on repeat.
2001 Enrolls at NYU. "Sleeps through" 9/11. Makes "controversial"/"insensitive" 9/11 comment in staircase to attractive girl in dorm who grins re comment. Walks around Greenwich Village, East Village at night feeling despair/loneliness listening to The Emo Diaries Vol. 1-4, "Don't Break Me" by Samiam, Mineral, Blacktop Cadence, The Weakerthans on repeat. Eats ramen noodles often. Reads "Reasons to Live" and "At The Gates of the Animal Kingdom" by Amy Hempel repeatedly.
2002 Enters relationship with NYU student. Writes Palahniuk-esque short-story set in office. Begins ~100,000-word novel. Seems to finally comprehend the word "abstract." Meets Carles. Reads White Noise, Nicholson Baker, Lorrie Moore.
2003 Relationship ends. Reads The Broom of the System, Why Did I Ever. Completes ~100,000-word novel. Seems to finally comprehend the word "categorically." Reads Jean Rhys. Moves to New Jersey. Reads Kafka's diaries. Begins Bed. Eats at Vietnamese restaurant alone in Jersey City. Writes whale poem. Feels "severely depressed"/"cripplingly lonely."
2004 Eats Chinese food alone in room on carpeted floor. Listens to Azure Ray, Jejune, "Lifted" by Bright Eyes on repeat. Feels "very alone." Reads Chilly Scenes of Winter, Joy Williams, Frederick Barthelme, Bobbie Ann Mason. Called "post-modern" derogatorily in Advanced Fiction. Completes Bed. Moves to Wall Street. Begins you are a little bit happier than i am.
2005 Begins blog entitled Reader of Depressing Books. Begins Eeeee Eee Eeee. Reads Richard Yates, Noah Cicero. ~25 editors reject Bed. Enjoys flax seeds on pasta. Reads Matthew Rohrer. Completes you are a little bit happier than i am.
2006 Completes Eeeee Eee Eeee. Begins Richard Yates. Eats nutritional yeast on okra. Begins cognitive-behavioral therapy. Moves to rural area of Pennsylvania. Reads Peter Singer, Kobo Abe, "Disturbing the Peace" by Richard Yates.
2007 Moves into "decrepit" room in Brooklyn. Reads Ben Lerner, biography of Maxwell Perkins, ~20 graphic novels. Completes cognitive-behavioral therapy. Writes essay re Cho Seung-Hui's killing rampage. Sees "Cache" with Brandon Scott Gorrell in Seattle. Reads James Purdy. Eats cupcakes from Baby Cakes. Writes essay for The Stranger linked by Gawker.
2008 Begins Shoplifting from American Apparel. Reads in Kansas. Receives $12k selling shares in 2nd novel. Quits job at Angelica Kitchen. Orders $800 mattress online. Cancels order next day. Listens to Modest Mouse, Line and a Dot, Rilo Kiley, The Stupid Stupid Henchmen on repeat. Completes Shoplifting from American Apparel. Starts Muumuu House.
2009 Blogs "from" Germany. Publishes sometimes my heart pushes my ribs, TBBC, during my nervous breakdown i want to have a biographer present via Muumuu House. Attempts to retroactively "go viral." Writes essay re good/bad in art. Drinks first green smoothie. Is interviewed by Michael Silveblatt. Reads Pan. Completes final edits re Richard Yates.

the 'tao lin photoshop self-portrait w/ "1983 - ????" commentary' shirt

is now available in the i am carles store for $19, view an 'action photo' here

Urban Outfitters has decided to sell "Shoplifting from American Apparel" in their stores

Shoplifting from American Apparel is now available at Urban Outfitters locations throughout America (Village Voice coverage/video documentation). Based on what I know about life I feel that this is the apex of my career (see graph).



Seems risky, in my view, that they are doing this. I feel unsure if I would allow this if I were a high-level Urban Outfitters executive. Seems expected that Burger King or Wendy's "shit-talk" McDonald's as part of their identity but for a clothing retail company to do something that "even vaguely" references another clothing retail company seems provocative, stressful, and "mildly confusing," in my view (yet ultimately "really sweet," I think, however).

I fantasized in bed about writing Shoplifting Shoplifting from American Apparel from Urban Outfitters (cover), a novella about Shoplifting from American Apparel written with an extreme focus on "being meta." Almost every sentence would employ an "em-dash parenthetical with a semi-colon within itself to self-reference or further parenthesize without using parenthesis, due to parenthesis already being used elsewhere in the sentence" in order to be "2x+ meta" "even on the sentence level." Seems like I wanted, in my fantasy, to construct such a powerful, sustained, layered, intuitive, "artificial intelligence"-like, self-aware to the point of transcending the concept of self, "pure" experience of meta that [I'm not sure, I think at this point I stopped thinking about it or probably focused more on thinking about photoshopping SFAA's cover to SSFAAFUO for this blog post and "feeling worried" a little that SSFAAFUO might not fit if I retained SFAA's cover's font size].

Shoplifting Shoplifting from American Apparel from Urban Outfitters (2012) could be marketed as a modern Reading Lolita in Tehran (2003) or a meta Shoplifting from American Apparel (2009). Seems lucrative.

michael silverblatt interviewed me for kcrw's bookworm

the interview can be listened to here, more information about michael silverblatt is here; bookworm's archives contain 3x joy williams, 4x ann beattie, 3x lydia davis, 1x mary robison, 1x bobbie ann mason, 7x nicholson baker, 5x david foster wallace, 1x gordon lish, 1x stephen dixon, 1x clancy martin, 2x kurt vonnegut, 2x lorrie moore interview

norway has purchased 'shoplifting from american apparel'

cappelen damm, a company some are calling 'norway's premier publisher,' the result of a merger between companies formed in the 1800's, is publishing shoplifting from american apparel in 2010 or 2011; other countries interested in purchasing 'sfaa' or my other books for the enjoyment, literary-critical scrutiny, and cultural/existential/sociological enrichment of their countrymen are encouraged to contact my publisher

"selected coverage" re Shoplifting from American Apparel

12/14 Review, The Globe and Mail (vaguely "damning")
12/03 Interview, KCRW's Bookworm (I seem "brain-damaged")
11/13 Review, The Guardian (positive)
11/09 Review, Ron Silliman (positive)
11/04 Interview, Vernacular (I seem okay)
10/13 Review, The Rumpus (observational, with concerns)
10/08 Review, Austin Chronicle (positive)
10/07 Interview, The Stranger (I seem "brain-damaged")
10/07 Interview, New Hampshire Public Radio (I seem okay)
10/07 Interview, Gosh Damn (I seem okay)
10/05 Interview, The Millions (I seem okay)
10/02 Review, Matador (observational)
9/30 Review, San Francisco Chronicle (positive)
9/29 Interview, The Rumpus (I seem okay)
9/28 Review, HTMLGIANT (positive)
9/25 Review, Yale Daily News (positive)
9/24 Essay, Largehearted Boy (observational)
9/24 Review, Los Angeles Times (seems concerned)
9/22 Review, Time Out Chicago (positive, with concerns)
9/22 Interview, Brand X (I seem "brain-damaged")
9/22 Excerpt, This Recording (~7 pages)
9/22 Interview, Dazed Digital (I seem okay)
9/22 Interview, Stop Smiling (I seem "brain-damaged")
9/19 Profile, The Daily Beast (I seem "brain-damaged")
9/18 Review, The Boston Phoenix (positive, with concerns)
9/18 Review, The Quietus ("damning")
9/17 Review, The Faster Times (positive)
9/16 Interview, FREEwiliamsburg (I seem "brain-damaged")
9/15 Excerpt, Hipster Runoff (~10 pages)
9/11 Interview, Impose Magazine (I seem okay)
9/10 Gchat, HTMLGIANT (positive)
9/08 Review, Village Voice ("damning," I think)
9/08 Review, Anthem (positive, with concerns maybe)
9/08 Review, Bookslut ("damning")
9/02 Review, Time Out New York (positive, with concerns)
9/02 Review, 3:AM Magazine (positive, with concerns)

Older coverage/more info here; publisher's page here; direct media inquiries here.

This blog post will be updated continually.

0 people entered my contest

'why, and how, did this happen?' seems like an email i received this morning may contain the answer to that question

this morning 'mcgraw-hill,' the leading publisher of college textbooks, working on an anonymous tip, emailed me expressing interest in using the tao lin experimental contest case as 'the main case study/concrete example' for the sociological concepts 'the bystander effect' and 'diffusion of responsibility,' replacing the kitty genovese case, in next year's sociology 101 textbooks, to increase the relevancy of sociology, by connecting it with blogs, they said, and also to appease christian groups that complain about the violence and implied nihilism, that the murderer just wanted 'to kill a woman,' which 'the kitty genovese case' seems to promote

i'm not sure how i feel about this, seems offensive yet lucrative

should i do it, they want me to capitalize my sentences, and not use the word 'depressed'

is it 'even' true, does 'the tao lin experimental contest case' really demonstrate 'diffusion of responsibility' and 'the bystander effect,' will professors still be able to assuredly put those concepts on mid-terms, without fear of students arguing with them

does why 'a person could have paypal'd tao lin 1 cent to gain ~$250 worth of items, but didn't' correspond with why 'a person could have called the police to save 1 person's life, but didn't,' is this an analogous situation

or have i 'simply' alienated the 2500+ people that viewed the contest, a demographic that includes 'people with little interest in me that want to participate because it might help them with their own careers,' 'people who are "really bored,"' 'people who feel pressure to "support the arts,"' 'people who i've supported in the past who now feel pressure to "support me back,"' 'people who constitute "my entire 'real' fan base,"' 'people who feel lonely for 20 minutes and want to "connect, however vaguely" with anyone,' 'my friends and family (even my mother did not enter the contest, i think she 'doesn't have it'/'doesn't know what it is' re paypal)', and 'people with a "vested interest" in me, my career, literature, art, vimeo, contests, or blogs'

will nyu and columbia blogging professors in 2050 project my blog post onto a screen in front of ~200 students and talk about the concepts of 'career-ending blog post' and 'large-scale fan base alienation'

will the progenies of noam chomsky, howard zinn, and [someone else] 'riff' on my blog post, in expensive guest lectures, extrapolating various aspects of my vimeo video and prose style to foreign affairs, linguistics, and, creatively, marine biology

have i finally 'broken in' to the academic world inadvertently

have i finally blogged the blog post that 'actually' 'ends my career'

will college students be able to internalize the concepts of 'diffusion of responsibility' and 'the bystander effect' (and 'fill in' the correct bubbles on their test forms) without the memorable aspects (violence, 'stabbed to death') of 'the kitty genovese case'

have i inflicted irreparable damage to my brand/career in the past 3-6 months/years via 'too many' cash-related blog posts, interviews where i seem 'brain-damaged,' and '"unseemly" "tweets"'

worried about 'the future of sociology in this country'/'my career'

experimental contest, ends wednesday at 11 pm (eastern time)

the email address that paypals binky.tabby [at] gmail.com the largest amount* of money by wednesday at 11 pm wins this 'experimental contest' (no amounts will be revealed until the end, and then only by email to those who 'participated,' and no amounts will be returned, as this isn't an 'auction,' but a kind of 'gamble'), gaining for themselves, their friends, and their family the items in this video

i feel scared and, 'surprisingly,' sort of, though also 'not surprisingly,' it seems, 'depressed' (but in a 'really vaguely' sarcastic manner, or nearly toneless manner, maybe) and a little nervous about this 'experimental contest'

not sure what i feel exactly

just seems like it is a 'melancholy' and somehow 'scary' thing to do, like i am 'splicing' the genes of a human baby with those of a hamster or bluefin tuna; feels, also, though, like i 'must' do it, like i am kissing a girl that might be going on vacation for 2 years and doesn't know how i feel about her; though, additionally, it also feels like 'i "can't believe" it has "come to this,"' like i want to hide in a closet and 'whimper' while holding a stuffed animal immediately after clicking 'publish'

thank you for reading this blog post, if you feel 'angry' or 'vaguely annoyed' at me i understand, i think, and do not discourage you from expressing yourself, resultingly, in the comments section of this blog post

*if there is 'a tie' the tied email addresses will have 10 hours to paypal another amount in a 'nerve-wracking' (but ultimately fun) 'paypal showdown'; if there is another tie the 'paypal showdown' will be repeated, 'and so on' / to avoid contest fraud i will screenshot the highest paypal amount and email it to every email address that paypal'd (a list of every 'contribution' amount will also be emailed to all 'contributors,' for sociological purposes); also you can look at my 100% positive ebay rating to 'assuage your untrustworthy "soul"' (if you want to); finally, if the winner of this contest wants this i will post a screenshot of 'their contribution' (tax deductible) and link their internet presence or an internet presence of their choice

'best behavior' by noah cicero

has been published by noah cicero on his blog, it is a novel (info) about one man's journey to new york city to have his photo be taken in a photo shoot, i have read and enjoyed it, an excerpt can be read on muumuu house

a review of three documentaries by werner herzog by me

has been published by fanzine, for a previous werner herzog review by me go here

"one-year anniversary" re hihihihihihihihihiiihihihihihihihhi.com

To celebrate the one-year anniversary of my art site featuring depressed 'critters' w/ undiagnosed social anxiety disorder the following offer is [the offer has ended, prints can be purchased at normal prices in the Tao Lin Store].

"Tao Lin's wonderful museum of emotionally afflicted, colorful, and at times morbidly obese animals 'seems sweet," said Artforum in an article that also said, "Perfect for Thanksgiving, Columbus Day, and, surprisingly, Guy Fawkes Day."

"Near-perfect stocking stuffers," said Consumer Reports and Cat Fancy.

"The Asian Andy Warhol or quite possibly the next/American Takashi Murakami," said L Magazine in a 2008 retrospective of Tao Lin's literary oeuvre that digressed, or "rambled," some say, into witty but ultimately inaccurate and "facile," even, according to the comments section of that article, blurbs about Tao Lin's visual art.

*

* framed 8" x 10.66" "hamburger-holding sasquatch," copyright Noah Kalina, click to enlarge

"'grassroots'* promotional campaign" re Shoplifting from American Apparel

If you (1) blog > 1500 words about me or (2) have a > 500 line Gmail chat about me (and put it on the internet) I will mail you Shoplifting from American Apparel or, if you already have SFAA, Bed.

*UPDATE* The "grassroots" promotional campaign to promote literacy in America, among other things, has ended. 26x [SFAA/Bed], supplied by my publisher, Melville House, recently named "best small press" by the Village Voice, have been "dispersed." The blog posts/Gmail chats have been linked below. *UPDATE*

01) Lizzi Kepsel (> 1500 words	14) Nicholas Richards (> 1500 words)
02) Andrew Schwem (> 1500 words)	15) David Fishkind & DJ Berndt (> 500 line Gmail chat)
03) Everett Bogue (> 1500 words)	16) Emily Eno & Kate Jones (> 500 line Gmail chat)
04) Chris Moran (> 1500 words)	17) Danielle Unger, Andy Axel, & "Kyle" (> 500 line Gmail chat)
05) Jose Diaz (> 1500 words)	18) Juan Moscoso (> 1500 words)
06) Camille Thomas (> 1500 words)	19) Ben Rosamond (> 2000 words, New Zealand)
07) Brook Winters (>1500 words)	20) Victoria Trock (> 1500 words)
08) Nikki Lentz (> 2000 words, Germany)	21) Sam White (> 1500 words)
09) Colin Marshall (> 1500 words	22) Zac Zellers & Noam Flam (> 500 line Gmail chat)
10) Michael Woodside (> 2000 words, Canada)	23) Tyler Trykowski (> 1500 words)
11) Liam Crocker & "Jared" (> 500 line Gmail chat)	24) Andrew James Weatherhead (> 1500 words)
12) Ted Gillespie (> 1500 words)	25) Mike Kramer (> 1500 words)
13) Buttercup McGillicuddy (> 1500 words)	26) Megan Boyle (> 1500 words)

Thank you for your time and consideration in this "grassroots" promotional campaign designed to benefit its participants in a productive, artistically-satisfying, life-affirming, and "synergistic," even, manner.

* might be mis-using the word "grassroots"

'hehe'/'damn'

jeffrey brown (blog) illustrated a line of dialogue from shopifting from american apparel



~2 years ago i blogged about some of jeffrey brown's books

gmail chat me while i am on methadone, adderall, green juice, or iced coffee

*update* the 30-minute gmail chat blocks with me on various 'drugs' sold on ebay for $61 (methadone), $36 (adderall), $31 (green juice), $35.76 (iced coffee); thank you for bidding if you bid, click links to read posted gmail chats *update*

npr's 'weekend edition'

talked about me and read a poem by me, the poem is from you are a little bit happier than i am

Malcolm Gladwell interview in Gigantic Magazine

I interviewed Malcolm Gladwell (below) for issue 1 of Gigantic; also in the issue is an interview of me by Rozalia Jovanovic.

TL: What's the most memorable thing you've ever eaten?

MG: As a very small child, I once accompanied my uncle, on his farm in Jamaica, out in the fields Christmas morning. Together we killed a goat. Last evening, at Christmas dinner, we ate it. To an eight year old, that is a seriously cool thing to do.

TL: What are some things you were really interested in the past but today have little or no interest in? (Do not elaborate, just state the things.)

MG: Writing letters. Major League Baseball. The Real World. G. I. Joe. Las Vegas. Shrinks. Hip Hop. William F. Buckley.

TL: If after reading OUTLIERS a sports organization or country wanted to hire you to reorganize their entire system of operation how interested in that would you be, and have you ever fantasized about this happening, perhaps with a certain organization that you like a lot?

MG: I have fantastized about that a lot. I would be very interested. I would like to be Czar of all post-secondary education in the United States. My big reform would be to make it illegal for any employer to ask, or any prospective employee to disclose, the identity of the job candidate's undergraduate institution.

TL: What do you know about "kombucha?"

MG: That is another thing that I was interested in before, but now have little or no interest in at all.

guardian article

'high levels of ennui'

found 'ancient' edition of james purdy's 'color of darkness' in 'cure for cancer' thrift store, purchased for 25 cents / 'fuck america' stickers

i think 'color of darkness' is out-of-print, its amazon page seems 'fucked' 'big time,' i posted a story from 'color of darkness' on muumuu house, i think out-of-print things can be circulated 'freely' if the author 'has died,' or something, seems complicated; a previous 'james purdy blog post' can be read here (since that blog post james purdy 'has died')

maybe i 'miss' video games, not sure

should i 'play' diablo III a lot when it 'comes out,' putting things on ebay that i 'find on the floor' after 'slaying' certain 'monsters,' typing things like 'do you want to buy anything else right now to avoid paypal/ebay fees, i will be happy to show you my inventory' upon meeting my ebay customers in the world of diablo III

should i

'fuck america' stickers have arrived and can be purchased here, view 250x here; might be funny if people 'adhere' 'fuck america' stickers to UPS trucks, ambulances, police cars, or select 'ben & jerry's' locations

Japanese "Eeeee Eee Eeee" (Kawade Shobo, 2009)

Kawade Shobo is publishing Eeeee Eee Eeee this month. They asked me to make a 30-second promotional video. They "embedded" my 30-second promotional video into a longer promotional video they made. I feel maybe Japanese people will appreciate that I seem embarrassed in the video. I feel I was "just" "being myself." If any Japanese people are reading this blog post I would like to say that I co-wrote a book called Hikikomori in 2006.

I like Japan. I don't remember when I first felt that I liked Japan. Maybe when I first played Nintendo. Japan is maybe "by far" my favorite country. Japan seems to have a long life expectancy, a low obesity rate, and a social phenomenon that seems related to things I like to read or write about such as loneliness, depression, boredom, confusion, social anxiety, and meaninglessness. Japanese people seem on average more calm, embarrassed, nervous, "humble," and shy than people from other countries, I feel (based on my experiences in concrete reality, watching TV and movies, and reading books). Seems like Japanese people "shit talk" less. I went to Japan when I was 8 or 9. Here is a poem about my trip to Japan.

To "commemorate" Japan publishing Eeeee Eee Eeee I will now blog about every Japanese book I remember having read.

The Woman in the Dunes by Kobo Abe

I think I have read it twice. Having problems remembering if I read this once or twice. I like the ending, seems "very" consoling. Seems powerful in "reminding" me that happiness is "relative" and that I can probably "come to accept," and be able to feel "happiness" or "pleasure" in any situation that I am put into, no matter how "horrible" it may seem from other perspectives.

The Box Man by Kobo Abe

I think I read the first 20-80 pages maybe three times. I think I have not ever finished the entire book. The first 20-80 pages seem funny, emotional, and consoling to me. It is about people who leave their apartments and put refrigerator boxes over themselves, and live inside the refrigerator boxes, walking around with the refrigerator boxes over them and sitting down inside the refrigerator boxes and eating and sleeping in them, with small openings so they can see outside the box. I think after 80 pages the book becomes some kind of "meta" thing that focuses on "sexual fetishes"/"narrative reliability issues" and less directly on loneliness/social alienation.

Inter Ice Age 4 by Kobo Abe

This can maybe be considered a "science fiction" novel. I think this is the earliest Kobo Abe novel translated to English. I think he has two novels before this not translated to English. I think Kobo Abe has almost the same tone in everything I have read by him. I view Kobo Abe tonally as I view Kafka or Joy Williams, in that these people have maintained a distinct tone throughout their careers, to some degree, it seems. Kobo Abe's tone seems confident of itself and can be described as "funny," "humorously logical," or "not unlike Kafka." Inter Ice Age 4's main "thing" is maybe a machine that can predict the future by processing the existing data of the past. If the prediction is "made public" the machine then "must" do another prediction that includes the data of the effect of the initial prediction being released, which if then released requires another prediction, and the "average" of those predictions becomes the final prediction of the future, I think. The book eventually becomes, to me, about acceptance, relativity, and acknowledging then "internalizing" different perspectives as a means to feel more accurately insignificant in order, among other things, to make oneself feel "less depressed." It is maybe similar to The Woman in the Dunes re the sentence before this sentence.

Kangaroo Notebook by Kobo Abe

This is a "surrealistic"/"magic realist" novel maybe. The narrative seems to progress based on a logic or thought process that is "not realistic" but that is consistent and, to me, "funny"/"interesting." This book seems to maybe "showcase" Kobo Abe's creativity and sense of humor in the way, I feel, that The Quick and the Dead "showcases" Joy Williams' creativity and sense of humor. I feel I would commit to reading the entire book if I owned it. I have read maybe 40 pages of it while "at work" in a library that had it. This book is rare maybe, not sure. I feel I will read it in entirety within 1-2 years. I look forward to reading it.

The Ark Sakura by Kobo Abe

I have read maybe 30 pages. I have it in "giant" hardcover edition. If I had a softcover edition I feel I would read it in entirety within 1-2 months. I feel committed to reading it in entirety at some point. I feel that I would read anything by Kobo Abe due to his relatively consistent tone that I already know I like. I feel interested in reading non-fiction by Kobo Abe. He wears "hipster glasses" in his author photos from I think the 50's or 60's or 70's.

Norweigian Wood by Haruki Murakami

I think I liked this. I think it was highly readable and contained moments where the narrator was "depressed"/"lonely" without being dramatic about it. I don't remember what happened in it. I remember one part where the narrator was lonely in college maybe. I think it is about a relationship.

A Wild Sheep Chase by Haruki Murakami

I'm not certain if I read this in entirety. I don't remember what happened in it. I think I remember one part where some kind of "authority," like an FBI person, is standing in a room with the narrator and a sheep or something. I'm currently experiencing "weird feelings" that I somehow "copied" this book in the animal sections of Eeeee Eee Eeee.

Dance Dance Dance by Haruki Murakami

I'm not certain if I read this in entirety. I don't remember what happened in it. I think this is a sequel to A Wild Sheep Chase or that A Wild Sheep Chase is a sequel to this. I seem to have images of sheep in this book, but maybe that is just the title or the cover. I think the cover of this has a "ram" on it.

Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami

I remember reading this and feeling like I was reading a fantasy novel. I think it had a map in it that reminded me of Final Fantasy or Dragon Warrior on "regular Nintendo." It alternates chapters between two "separate" books that I think vaguely connect in the end, or at times, but not enough to make it "not 'literary.'" Seems like a successful gimmick in inducing feelings of "this world we are in isn't real" or "there are other, alternate worlds that maybe influence this one or just exist." I remember imagining the landscape of the "End of the World" parts as like in the movie Robin Hood: Men in Tights.

The Elephant Vanishes by Haruki Murakami

I remember feeling excited reading the story about a couple "robbing" a McDonald's late at night. I think after reading it I told my mom to read it. I also remember a story where the narrator talks about how the only question he had, in his head, after meeting a girl, or something, was whether or not he was going to "have sex" with the girl. I felt "alienated" from that "sentiment" at the time in my life when I read that quote; I do not necessarily feel "not alienated" from that "sentiment" currently, I haven't thought about it currently.

South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami

I think I remember the narrator owning a jazz club or something. I feel that I liked this novel. I feel that I like his short, "realistic" novels more than his other novels. I think I read all his books before I had read any of the books I currently like most, for example any K-mart Realism except probably Raymond Carver.

Sputnik Sweetheart by Haruki Murakami

I remember one scene where the narrator looks out his window and sees something in a building across the street. It is "himself" naked and doing sexual things to another person. I remember feeling "really scared" alone in my room in Florida after reading that scene. I was afraid to look out the window because I thought I might see myself naked and doing weird things. Currently it seems not scary at all, maybe I am remembering the scene wrong. I feel like this novel contains a girl being sent into space in the style of monkeys that were sent into space in the 60's. I'm certain that isn't in the book.

After the Quake by Haruki Murakami

I liked the stories in here. I think they were all, but the last one, "realistic," and more than 20 pages. I feel that Haruki Murakami said the stories in this book were inspired by Raymond Carver, not entirely sure about that. I think I know that Haruki Murakami is Raymond Carver's Japanese translator. I have "actually" read a biography of Haruki Murakami by his "main" English translator, Jay Rubin. I don't remember anything specific from the biography.

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami

I think I read maybe 80 pages of this. After reading maybe 80 pages I felt myself not having a strong desire anymore to read more books by Haruki Murakami. Previously I felt enough desire to calmly and even "excitedly" "commit" to entire books by him. I think after 80 pages of this I became aware that I like translations of Haruki Murakami by Philip Gabriel more than Jay Rubin, who seems to use many cliches/idioms like "screamed at the top of my lungs" or "felt it at the bottom of my heart," whereas I seem to remember that Philip Gabriel did not use many cliches/idioms. Wonder if Haruki Murakami is aware of this. Here is a YouTube video of Haruki Murakami, "lol."

No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai

I remember the narrator of this book being "emo." I think there is a passage in the book where the narrator says he is "no longer human" due to extreme detachment or inability to feel happy or something. I have memories of the narrator trying to kill himself, maybe more than once. I have memories of the narrator looking at his child or something and feeling "nothing" or maybe feeling "confused." I don't remember what "actually" happens in this book. I think I remember feeling that the author had a complex/layered sense of sarcasm/irony that I "suspected" wasn't conveyed completely due to translation.

The Setting Sun by Osamu Dazai

I don't remember how much of this book I read. I think I remember some parts about the main character being a child and feeling alienated. I may have not read this book. I think I read it.

Rashoman and Other Stories by Ryunosuke Akutagawa

I remember feeling that the stories in this book were like "fables, or something," in that the author seemed to have "what if" ideas and then write stories to actuate the ideas, for example thinking "what if someone was never satisfied with their wife's looks" or something then "sitting down" and writing that story until the "what if" question seemed answered.

Sayonara, Gangsters by Genichiro Takahashi

I remember initially thinking this book was "too whimsical" or something for me to like it, but after maybe 50 pages I felt I liked it. This book has a Jonathan Safran Foer blurb, seems funny. I liked this book. It seems not available anywhere. I read a copy from New York University's library. I remember feeling emotional at one "chapter" while also feeling aware that I was being manipulated, but being okay with being manipulated.

The One-Straw Revolution by Masanobu Fukuoka

This book is about organic farming and the arbitrary, relative, "meaninglessness" nature of the universe. The author says when he was around 25 he felt, suddenly, or something, that everything was "meaningless," which made him happy. After that he went somewhere and started a farm. The book discusses how types of farming (or other things involved in food production) that use chemicals and unnatural fertilizers are causing certain effects that most people would view as "undesirable" in terms of health, "happiness," people's "worldviews," sustainability, the environment, future generations, and other things. I like this book. It has pictures from the 60's or 70's or 80's that I think show Masanobu Fukuoka wearing "hipster glasses."

Snakes and Earrings by Hitomi Kanehara

I think this is ~15,000 words. It is about a "depressed"/"detached" girl that is "into" piercings and then later drinks a lot of alcohol every day. I remember at the end the girl feels really depressed then for no reason feels less depressed, then feels happy and "hopeful for the future," or something. It seemed funny. I think she wrote it when 18 or 19. In Japan I think the "major" literary prize is the Akutagawa Prize, which is given "annually" to one person, but in 2003 it was given to two people, Hitomi Kanehara and Risa Wataya, who were both 19 or 20, which were the youngest ages to whom the prize had been awarded (feeling uncertain re grammar in this sentence.) I would like to read Hitomi Kanehara's other books but I think they aren't translated. One is available in the UK maybe. Seems like almost none of the books that win the Akutagawa Prize are translated to English.

"I Am Carles" clothing sponsorship

I Am Carles, a subsidiary of the corporation that owns Hipster Runoff, has sponsored me in a deal worth [contractually confidential] dollars. Most of the details will appear in next week's New York Times Magazine, but I've typed some "exclusive" "backstory" below for "passionate" readers of this blog who pre-ordered Shoplifting from American Apparel:

After what most industry insiders are calling "an especially intense bidding war" I rented the 2nd most environmentally-friendly car that Hertz currently offers and drove to Los Angeles (stopping in Aspen, Colorado to sign my books at the local Barnes & Noble and to ski a little) where I texted "I'm here" to [one of the three people who write the blog posts that appear on Hipster Runoff].

Four hours (and two meetings with marketing executives from Urban Outfitters who attempted a "last minute" "buy out" unsuccessfully) later, surrounded by a team of lawyers representing mine and [the network of investors that control Hipster Runoff]'s interests, I signed a one-year contract.

I hope everyone is "okay" with this. I feel I will continue to write (1) existentially-minded, concrete, linear narratives with little or no description and little or no rhetoric, utilizing short sentences with no em-dashes or semi-colons in a style that could be described as "detached," "minimalist," or "autistic" or (2) existentially-minded, "not necessarily" linear narratives with many adjectives, adverbs, and "poetically" rhetorical passages containing many similes and metaphors, utilizing short, long, or fragmented sentences with many em-dashes and semi-colons in a style that could be described, variously, as "detached," "lyrical," "deadpan," or "Lorrie Moore 20-page short story" despite never "needing" to buy another blue shirt again (for one year).

"September/October reading tour" re Shoplifting from American Apparel

New York
08 BookCourt (Brooklyn Heights, 163 Court Street), 7 pm, launch party
10 Spoonbill & Sugartown (Williamsburg, 218 Bedford Avenue), 7 pm, free exclusive "Shoplifting" "chapbooks" for 1st 25 people
12 New York Public Library (Manhattan, 15 East 46th Street), 2 pm
13 Brooklyn Book Festival (Downtown Brooklyn), 12 pm, with Nicholson Baker, Ben Marcus, Yona Zeldis McDonough
14 Bluestockings (Manhattan, 172 Allen Street), 7 pm

Massachusetts
16 Back Pages Books (Waltham, 289 Moody Street), 7:30 pm
17 Brookline Booksmith (Brookline, 279 Harvard Street), 7 pm
18 Harvard Coop (Cambridge, 1400 Mass Ave.), 7 pm

California
26 Vroman's (Pasadena, 695 E. Colorado Blvd), 4 pm
27 Book Soup (Los Angeles, 8818 Sunset Blvd.), 4 pm
28 Copperfield's Books (Petaluma, 140 Kentucky Ave.), 7 pm
29 Bar Amnesia (San Francisco, 853 Valencia Street), 7 pm, with Stephen Elliott, hosted by The Rumpus and City Lights
30 Pegasus Books (Berkeley, 2349 Shattuck Avenue), 7:30 pm
02 The Booksmith (San Francisco, 1644 Haight Street), 7:30 PM
04 Alphonse Berber Gallery (Berkeley, 2546 Bancroft Way), 7:00 PM *THIS EVENT HAS CHANGED TO THE 4TH*

Maryland
08 Atomic Books (Baltimore, 3620 Falls Road), 7 pm

Connecticut
29 Broad Street Books (Middletown, 45 Broad Street), 7 pm

jesus

seems like my life is 'tapering off'

i see myself with my eyelids down a little, making everything 'darker'

i'm 'actually' typing in the dark right now, reinforcing my 'feelings of bleakness'

the screen is illuminating my face

the screen is illuminating my knuckles

seems like 'momentarily' i'm going to 'wither away' to 'nearly nothing' in a fast-motion 19-second clip that would go viral on youtube if it was a tuna or salmon 'withering away' instead of me 'withering away'

feels like i just paraphrased either 'nine, ten' from 'bed' or my twitter account circa ~40-60 days ago

feels like i'm crawling inside a small tunnel that is getting smaller

at the end of the tunnel is something 'absurd'/'non-sequiturish' like a sears catalogue or horseshoe crab

my entire life is to prepare myself so that 'final thing' 'makes sense'

feels like i'm in the 'correct mood' to write a science fiction novel in the mode of 'sirens of titan' era kurt vonnegut

is this blog post anything

can i write an existentially-minded science fiction novel in the mode of kobo abe's 'inter ice age 4'

or should i 'just die' 'soon'

looking forward to people's answers in the comments section

brandon scott gorrell is 'hanging out' with tobey mcguire and ray liotta tonight, according to a text message he sent me

should i start a 'lit news' section at the top of this blog in the style of hipster runoff's 'alt report'

just had an image of happiness 'eluding me,' seemed funny, saw a kind of 'shadowy but not scary at all' figure (representing happiness) running in a curvy manner behind a large, plastic structure on a playground

feels like i just paraphrased something from the 'leftover crack' story in 'bed'

twittered 'jesus' today

just 'chugged' a large iced coffee

currently wearing a 'joy williams' shirt

it is purple with joy williams' head on it

above joy williams' head it says 'joy williams'

i'll wear either my 'joy williams' shirt or my 'i am carles' shirt to all shoplifting from american apparel readings, i feel

people will think '[something about hipster runoff]' or '[something about joy williams],' both types of thoughts that might somehow cause people to want to buy my books or 'at least' think about googling me 'at some point'

'should i be revealing my secrets'

my secrets to a successful career

just briefly thought about my career arc, saw something like 'a long, thin tentacle flailing wildly in a "pitch-black" environment,' then felt confused 'how i could have seen' the tentacle if the environment was 'pitch-black'

now not sure 'at all' if i 'even' saw tentacles

feeling confused, 'did i just "imagine" "seeing" it'

is there a 2nd or 3rd 'level of reality' inside my head

just briefly saw a cheeseburger or something 'flying around'

i feel happy about the 'joy williams' shirt, joseph moore made, or 'created,' it

do people like blog posts like this blog post

am i 'stupid'

'above joy williams' head it says "joy williams"': 'damn'

wondering if i can somehow manipulate twitter's code to start a new kind of twitter where the limit is one word

seems like sometimes i would twitter 'damn,' sometimes 'jesus,' sometimes 'heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com'

is there anything else

can't really think of other words i would want to convey

i guess sometimes 'sweet' or 'alone'

the 'most viral' 'book trailer' of 2009-2010

Relevant links: Statistics, Goodreads page, Facebook group, Publisher's page

3x "early review" re Shoplifting from American Apparel (Melville House, Sept. 2009)

7/15, "Damning" ([grad student], Tumblr)

Tao Lin’s newest work, a novella called Shoplifting from American Apparel, is like a version of Malle’s My Dinner with André written especially for glue-huffers and self-loathing masturbation addicts; in other words, Lin’s book is content with—and perhaps even self-consciously celebrates—its own banality and mediocrity, never aspiring to be anything more.

7/17, "Positive" (Michael Schaub, Bookslut)

[Shoplifting from American Apparel is] somehow both the funniest and the saddest book I've read in a long time, it's his best writing yet, and I strongly urge all of you to pick up a copy when it comes out in a few weeks. Tao is too original to compare to anybody, but his writing is more compelling and true than any young writer I've read in ages; his fiction reminds me of Mary Robison's best work. I recommend him highly.

7/24, "Diary rendered in third person" (Publishers Weekly)

The Internet has spawned a generation exceedingly more awkward, apathetic and lost than any that has come before—at least, this seems to be the message and intention of Lin’s underwhelming novella (after Eeeee Eee Eeee and Bed). Sam, a young writer with “good rankings on Amazon,” works at an organic vegan restaurant and spends much of his time checking e-mails and instant messaging with his equally detached friends while wandering downtown Manhattan and Brooklyn. There is, indeed, the shoplifting of a T-shirt (and, later, earphones), the acts—both of which end in Sam’s arrest—motivated by a need for “variety.” Though Lin strives to paint a portrait of a generation of disaffected youth “caught in the soft blue light of Internet Explorer,” this offers little more than lackadaisical pop culture reportage that reads mostly like a diary rendered in third person.

*PROSE STYLE DISCLAIMER* "caught in the soft blue light of Internet Explorer" is a misquote, the word "caught" is not used in that line in the book. *PROSE STYLE DISCLAIMER*

Relevant links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, "should I remix it" post, Goodreads page, Facebook group, Publisher's page

my unpublished novel (before 'eeeee eee eeee'); 'it's nice that' guest poster

just read in my 'diary' from 2004 that i emailed 'about a dozen' people my ~100,000 word unpublished novel

i don't have the novel anymore, it was on a computer that i 'threw away' in a public trash can in jersey city and i think an aol email account that i don't have access to anymore

do one of those people that i emailed the novel to exist, where are you, can you email me back my novel, if you still have it, i would like to 'regain' my unpublished novel, in order to sell it on ebay probably, and am offering a $30 'reward'

i was a guest poster on it's nice that this week, they interviewed me and posted 1 thing a day that i sent them (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Shoplifting from American Apparel (Sept. 2009) promotional post part five

Release date: Sept. 15 2009
Genre: autobiographical, fiction, novella
Blurb: "Helluvanovella." - Daniel Handler
Blurb: "I loved the book." - Stephen Elliott
Blurb: "[N]ew favorite book." - Lesley Arfin
Early Reviews: here
Word count: 18167
Flesch-Kincaid grade level: 3.5



Relevant links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, "should I remix it" post, Goodreads page, Facebook group, Publisher's page

8.5" x 1.25" fuck america stickers

can be purchased in the tao lin store

should there be a machine that makes you 'fall asleep immediately'

seems weird someone hasn't invented this machine

honestly seems weird

have corporations that make sleeping pills sabotaged the invention of a device that makes you 'fall asleep immediately'

like how gm and other car companies sabotaged the electric car

have dozens of inventors been 'assassinated'

'has anyone "even" written a science fiction novel about a world in which this device exists'

almost seems like the world we exist in is a science fiction novel written by someone that exists in a world where this device exists

i imagine it being like ear muffs or something

you put the ear muffs on and 'are immediately asleep'

it should be invented by advil or even, like, google

'imagine how useful that would be'

seems like it would 'change the world' 'metaphysically' re how the printing press 'changed the world' 'physically' or something

small children would learn about it and maybe giggle uncontrollably then later in life compare and contrast it with the printing press in 5-10 page essays then later in life probably use it 3-10 times a day then later in life probably attend meetings where they discuss 'being addicted' to it then later in life probably 'set it' for 'asleep forever'

you would be able to turn a knob on the ear muffs to set how long you want to be asleep

desecrated my body to promote my literary career

i feel the 'sole purpose' of this tattoo is to 'promote my career'

i see journalists 'inadvertantly' noticing my bluefin tuna tattoos, automatically asking if i have more tattoos

i see myself saying 'i have a fuck america tattoo' in a severely depressed monotone

i see journalists being at their computers late at night emailing their editors 'the lede of this article will grab people immediately and in a refreshingly bloggable manner, increasing the hits of the huffington post while fitting excitingly into the broader meme of generation y's increasingly relevant expressions of ennui, post elizabeth wurtzel depression, and pre obama optimism post 9/11; highly twitterable, specifically relevant to the lucrative 18 to 24 demographic, and image-based enough to get significantly reblogged re tumblr, i believe this would make a viral-ready article and would like to request more space in order to include a photograph and an in-depth analysis of lin's role in mainstream society'

journalists who 'hate america' will feel temporarily purposeful and 'work harder,' causing readable articles to be produced, affecting the average reader with the ability to 'retain interest' 'even after 2-4 full sentences'

additionally, by promoting a 'fuck america tattoo,' journalists will experience the vague sensation that they are fighting capitalism, saving the environment, and avoiding the 'crippling irony' that has afflicted so much of today's media content

in barnes and noble across the country, perhaps, people will whisper things in the poetry aisle

my career will blossom from something that looks like a rose that has been 'laying' in a cesspool 'deep in brooklyn' for 2-6 days into something that looks like a rose that has been 'trampled upon' for 1-3 days unintentionally on a sidewalk outside a non zagat rated indian restaurant outside park slope

has 'a new low' been reached in my career

feels both like 'i can't reach any lower lows' and 'obviously i will reach many more new lows, probably within 3-5 days'

just typed in gmail chat 'damn, typing the retardedest blog post ever' without using 'any' quote marks

typing the word 'retardedest' without putting at least one set of quote marks around it seems like 'a bad sign'

wonder if this blog post creates situations 'too meta' for journalists to successfully 'angle-ize' re their editors

or do modern journalists require some degree of meta in order to 'even begin to think about writing something'

when i think 'modern journalists' i see robocop sitting with straight posture on a wooden carton somehow 'eating' watermelon

not sure how, 'maybe "just" by absorbing it through his forehead using advanced technologies'

'he seems severely depressed'

just remembered another post where i end the post with an image of a nonexistent entity appearing severely depressed

'what does this all mean'

'is this what it feels like to be a character in a thomas pynchon novel'

honestly feels to some degree like i'm in 'the crying of lot 49' right now



*i don't smoke cigarettes & feel probably unable to philosophically defend smoking cigarettes

ad to probably appear at some point on hipster runoff

buy brandon's book from brandon here; buy muumuu house goods/lifetime subscription here; view more ads here

Shoplifting from American Apparel (Sept. 2009) promotional post part four

I think maybe twenty people have read a galley of SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPARE (pre-order). That number factually could be "as high as" sixty or "as low as" eight or nine. If people read it then emailed me lying to me it could be "as low as" one or two. "As yet" no person has emailed me telling me the novella is really bad. (In the past few days one person has emailed me that I was a better person in 2005; a second human being has Facebook messaged me that I'm the "biggest fail on the internet"). Not sure if I'll ever write another "20-page short story" in the style of Lorrie Moore. Not sure if I'll ever publish another book that isn't "obviously shitty," like that I didn't intend to be "obviously shitty," in a way that displays "obvious, 'vaguely deliberate' disregard" for professionalism or "full-scale" thematic cohesion. Honestly not sure what I'm talking about, just want to keep typing. Seems these promotional posts should exist as large paragraphs. Seems like "steady cash flow without a real job" continues to elude me, as I enter my mid-mid-late 20's. If foreign sales re SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL "work" I can be "set for a number of years, or, like, one year." Not sure how to get countries like Austria, China, Mongolia, and South Korea interested in my forthcoming novella. I can honestly imagine a "laid-back" Mongolian reading my novella sitting in a chair outside a tent on a kind of "tundra" and enjoying it. "Just being honest." Think "the German EEEEE EEE EEEE" has "failed badly," but I'm not sure. Not sure what's happening in Germany. Feel certain EEEEE EEE EEEE will "fail" "big time" in Spain re this cover. I honestly "can't" currently remember what other country bought EEEEE EEE EEEE. I just remembered, it's Japan. "How did I forget Japan, I 'love' Japan." Not sure what to type about Japan publishing EEEEE EEE EEEE. There's an annual literary prize in Japan, the Akutagawa Prize, and one year two 19-year-olds won, I think. I read the winning book by Hitomi Kanehara (Wikipedia page is wrong re age she wrote it, I think) and liked it, I think. The other winner's book by Risa Wataya was not translated to English, it seems. Those two people were b. 1983 and 1984. I remember thinking about Japan's "literary scene" a lot for maybe three or four nights alone in the dark in my room at times like 2 a.m. or 4 a.m. I felt like maybe young people in Japan could somehow think I was an "exciting figure" or something. Since I'm far away from them and in a different culture, young people in Japan could think things about me, like how I thought certain things about certain things when I was 10 or something. Then I could go there and live in hotels. "Damn, 'what the hell' am I talking about right now." "Do people think I'm projecting 'Lost in Translation,' should I 'address' that." If SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL sells to 10 countries at an average of $4000 per country I will get something like $30,000, I think. Will this promotional post be effective, what have I conveyed in this promotional post. I currently have three readings in NYC around SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL's official release date of Sept. 8. I have a reading Sept. 8 at BookCourt, Sept. 10 at Spoonbill & Sugartown, Sept. 13 at the Brooklyn Book Festival. Should I wear glasses. Should I "act like a bro." Should I talk shit about myself continuously during Q&A's. What will be most effective re foreign rights sales. Seems like I'll "do anything" to maximize foreign rights sales. While walking to buy coffee today I think I "fantasized" "wearily" about a front-page New York Times Book Review review of SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL in a "foreign rights sales context." I felt the review would be by Keith Gessen or Benjamin Kunkel and that Argentina would feel impelled to "finally" express interest in foreign rights re Tao Lin "albeit cautiously." I imagined a 72-year-old editor in Argentina staring at the review thinking things like "move swiftly but cautiously" in a sarcastic manner with a neutral facial expression that due to age seemed like a "grim" facial expression. I felt he would probably die of a heart attack before the acquisition was made, "before the first draft of the contract were even completed." Seemed "bleak."

Relevant links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, "should I remix it" post, Goodreads page, Facebook group, Publisher's page

muumuu house extravaganza post

1x bookslut blurb

"I read [DURING MY NERVOUS BREAKDOWN... & SOMETIMES MY HEART PUSHES MY RIBS] recently, and reread them both immediately after finishing them. Gorrell and Kennedy are the most talented young poets I've read in years, and their books are stunning — it's the kind of writing that's impulsive and emotionally raw, but also more layered and sophisticated than they appear. It's hard for any poet to be funny and heartbreaking in the space of one poem, or even one stanza, but it's a skill these young writers execute perfectly. They made me excited about poetry and independent publishing all over again." - Michael Schaub, Bookslut

1x official book release

brandon scott gorrell's during my nervous breakdown i want to have a biographer present is officially out today; go here to order it from him, read reviews and interviews, and view his reading tour schedule

"Such hilarious, surprising, aphoristic poems. They do not stop at funny: they move into the territory of sad; the drab panic of daily life." - Deb Olin Unferth, author of VACATION and MINOR ROBBERIES

11x coverage / relevant article

plan b magazine (uk) wrote a one-page feature article about muumuu house
poets & writers wrote a one-paragraph 'thing' about muumuu house
chris killen (uk) wrote a comprehensive article about muumuu house
michael schaub at bookslut reviewed muumuu house's two poetry books
molly young at 'we love you so' reviewed brandon scott gorrell's book
bomb magazine's blog interviewed brandon scott gorrell
matador published an article by brandon scott gorrell re his west coast book tour
kelley hoffman at 'the pipeline' reviewed brandon scott gorrell's book
megan boyle reviewed brandon scott gorrell's book and 'the brandon book crisis'
bostonist gmail-chat interviewed brandon scott gorrell
the examiner wrote an article re the muumuu house reading at brookline booksmith
kathleen rooney at octopus magazine reviewed ellen kennedy's book

6x reading

july 3, 7 pm at PPOW gallery, launch party for brandon scott gorrell w/ chelsea martin, zachary german
july 4, 4 pm at space space for poetry time w/ brandon scott gorrell, zachary german, abigail lloyd
july 5, 5 pm at cake shop for polestar w/ brandon scott gorrell, ellen kennedy, zachary german
july 7, 7 pm at brookline booksmith in massachusetts w/ brandon scott gorrell, tao lin
july 26, 5 pm at the anne bonney in seattle, dual launch party for brandon scott gorrell & jacob severn
july 30, 7 pm at pilot books in seattle w/ brandon scott gorrell, matthew simmons

*muumuu house products are available in the muumuu house store

i think hits are down, help me not cry or eat excessive carbs on july 1

my 12-month sitemeter chart is in danger of not showing 'steadily increasing hits within a 12-month context'

on july 1 will increased hits, when comparing may to june, be made evident, on the computer screen, or will i cry in my room while eating 1000-2000 calories of organic pasta and then drink one beer, listen to jets to brazil, and probably feel bored

i have been told that 'nicer weather' combnied with 'no school' has created a situation of decreased hits 'for everyone'

lack of shitstorms + nicer weather + no school = potentially bad 12-month sitemeter chart

seems bad, i felt worried looking at that equation, i thought about how someone told me about viral blog posts, that a blog needs them, that adding stumbleupon, digg, reddit, and other buttons on my blog posts can increase their potential re going viral

then i thought about how i could make a blog post where i try to 'retroactively' go viral

i will now recommend blog posts that you can link on your blogs, facebook accounts, tumblr accounts, twitter accounts, or email to friends, i will comment on each blog post and year

2005 - seems like a really long time ago, can't really imagine what it was like 'back then,' have 'hazy' images of 'myself eating pasta,' 'though in conjunction with what unit of information do i not have those images?'

writing and the internet and my novel - an msn blog or msnbc blog or something linked this and it got 'mad hits' but people then seemed to forget about it, i feel mildly afraid to reread it, seems like it's probably 'retarded'

kmart, kmart realism; the rise, struggle, decline of - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, i have distinct memories of thinking 'this is really good' while working on it then while walking to the bathroom, being in the bathroom, and walking back to the nyu computer lab where i was working on it; i think i confidently felt that it was 'really funny and "sophisticated" or something' and felt like people would like it and it might go viral in 'the lit blog world' (when it was posted no one seemed to care, it got 2 comments)

an essay by joy williams - i read this essay in an anthology in 'bobst library' when i was 'kind of obsessed' with literature, later i typed it onto the computer

i went fishing with my family when i was five - a video of me reading this is available here, seems like if this were a children's book it could 'go viral' 'in real life,' i can see 'hip' 70-year-olds buying it but i can also see oprah-watching 70-year-olds buying it (i can also see other kinds of people buying it)

2006 - seems like a really long time ago but much less long ago than 2005

an essay on the difference between people who read nicholas sparks and people who don't read nicholas sparks - i feel afraid to reread this

11,000 word post about the functions of 'editing' someone that isn't yourself - i feel mildly afraid to reread this

i blogged about every story in my 2nd bear parade book - i started rereading this and felt a medium amount of approval toward it then felt mild fear and mild to medium amounts of boredom and stopped rereading it

a blog post about richard yates' oeuvre - i feel afraid to reread this

a two-part essay by me about writing - i feel really afraid to reread this

i blogged about every poem in my 1st poetry book - i feel 'pretty certain' that if i reread this i would feel bad

2007 - seems like a 'really modern' year, feels more like 2170 or 7000 than something in the 21st century for some reason, seems like i 'miss' 2007 'big time'

an essay about wanting to read at clayton banes' bookstore - i reread this and edited it a little while rereading it and liked it, felt impressed at times

a blog post about self-promotion - i feel vaguely afraid to reread this

a blog post about noon magazine and kmart realism - i feel mildly afraid to reread this

giant blog post for journalists - would be funny and 'really sweet' if this post went viral, seems like people used to click on this post in the past but not as much anymore

an essay about cho seung-hui's killing rampage - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, have emailed this post to people when they ask me questions about certain things, this post is maybe recommended for people who think i'm 'retarded' or 'immoral' or something

the giant moose - i want to collect my animal things into a book maybe

the moose and the gerbil and the confused manatee - i felt surprised seeing this, don't really remember writing it, seems like i needed to be in a certain mood to write it, a mood that is maybe 'rare'

the nearly-severely depressed bird - i typed 'the nearly-severely depressed giant bird' at first (in this blog post)

the disappointed ant - i think ants are funny 'in theory' but when i look at them i feel 'really unfunny' emotions inside of me

giant blog post about readings i did in california and washington and oregon - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, i feel i've probably alienated 90-98% of the people mentioned in this blog post

the vegan muffin - i like my prose style in my stories with animals in them

penis dictionary - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, it was rejected by mcsweeney's, i remember thinking more than once that it was 'really funny' and would 'probably go viral' (when it was posted no one seemed to care)

opposite of song of myself - for an amount of time i wanted to write more poems like this and have it be the style of my 3rd poetry book; today i feel that this poem is 'enough' of its particular style and that my 3rd poetry book's style continues to elude me

excerpts from fernando pessoa's 'the book of disquiet' - i like this book, seems like people feel weird about this book, in that people i thought would like it seem to feel weird about it and are quiet or kind of disapproving when i ask them about it

a blog post about the mississippi review and kmart realism - i feel mildly afraid to reread this

2008 - seems like 'one of the shittiest years i've been alive' but for 'no concrete reason,' probably just because i don't associate the number '8' with modernity or 'high quality meaninglessness' but with things like hamburgers, 'unsarcastic severe depression,' and 'lives lived without any detachment at all'

a giant blog post about stephen dixon - i feel mildly afraid to reread this

the gay stepdad - i feel midly afraid to reread this

a lot of people including clancy martin, deb olin unferth, and david ohle blogged about one event - i felt really surprised when i saw this while making this blog post, seems like clancy martin and deb olin unferth are really famous now, feel surprised they did this, still feel surprised right now, as i type this; hope this blog post goes viral retroactively, feel certain it won't

a giant blog post about various things or something - i'm going through this blog post adding descriptions to links i have pasted here, and i read this link, and i don't know what it is, seems this post is notable only for being 'giant' and 'various,' not sure if something like that can go viral at all

promote my career for me - i think this blog post was effective and got someone to add a 'bio' box on my wikipedia page, seems like i don't feel afraid to reread this blog post but also feel no urge to

a really giant blog post - seems like this blog post is notable for being 'really giant,' wonder if anyone will click this link

kafka is 'emo' - this post has excerpts from a kafka biography

a guide or something to kmart realism - this post has a 'kmart realism reading list' i think

a blog post showing i can be trusted - i feel medium to large amounts of fear re rereading this blog post, i feel 'retarded' for having made this blog post, seems like certain pressures caused me (in a moment of 'weakness') to make this blog post, a blog post i normally wouldn't make, but i'm not sure, seems like i'm being a 'little bitch' right now in this description, would 'albeit' be okay with this blog post going viral

a blog post about phrases that have been associated with me or something - this post probably damaged my career by doing what a journalist could have done in an article 2-3 years from now that would cause me to become iconic to some degree; instead i made myself 'less iconic' by demystifying myself or something

the '1st ever' blog post about muumuu house - i feel tired, this blog post is 'taking so long'

'shoplifting from american apparel' promotional post part one - more promotional posts will arrive soon

2009 - seems really good, as a year, like a new version of 2007; think i might just like odd numbers more than even numbers, seems so close to 2010 that when i think about it it sometimes feels (contrary to my concrete reality) like i'm living in a glass dome in another galaxy where there are no cats, wood floors or other surfaces that have become impossible to make 'look clean,' or motor vehicles larger than ones that seem immediately 'notably small'

the 'can't concentrate' manatee - i feel tired

my development as a human being - i feel tired

a review of a book with jean rhys in it - i feel tired

a review of 'u and i' by nicholson baker - i feel tired

a kind of giant blog post about me being in germany - i think i like this blog post, someone emailed me saying it should be published as a book, i think i would like that, feel very mildly afraid to reread it

an introduction for 'it's nice that' issue one - i feel tired

a post promoting that my posts go viral that itself is a post that i want to go viral - i feel tired

2010 - seems calm yet scary, not sure really, i see sunlight and grassy fields and full-page reviews in bookforum but i also see myself eating kashi cereal alone in my room while listening to the same bands i listened to in 12th grade whenever i felt 'really sad'

A review of Land of Silence and Darkness by Werner Herzog by Tao Lin

Land of Silence and Darkness (1971) is a documentary by Werner Herzog about people who are deaf and blind. One person was okay until she was a teenager when she became deaf and blind. She stayed in bed for the next twenty years. She really stayed in bed, according to the documentary, for something like twenty years and was very depressed during those twenty years, she said. Then she became very productive suddenly and rode buses to different places to teach deaf-blind people how to communicate using the deaf-blind alphabet which is conveyed by touching people’s palms and wrists. One person was blind and almost deaf and was trying to learn the deaf-blind alphabet before he became completely deaf and blind. One deaf-blind person forgot the deaf-blind alphabet and couldn’t communicate anymore. I think one blind person grinned while sitting next to his wife or sister when he said he forgot Braille and was going to be completely deaf soon but also didn’t feel like relearning Braille or learning the deaf-blind alphabet.

The movie showed a person who was born deaf and blind. He was dressed very professionally in a button-down shirt and sweater and was maybe 20-years-old. He had a facial expression like he had Down Syndrome or something like that. He hit himself in the face really hard with a ball and made loud noises and punched his own face sometimes. The noises he made sounded like seals or walruses maybe. No one had ever tried to “draw him out.” I think his father bathed and clothed and fed him for 20-years without trying to communicate with him. The movie said deaf-blind people who are born deaf and blind can be “drawn out” and eventually learn to communicate with other people. I believe the movie when it says that but I also feel unable to comprehend how that happens.

The movie followed the person who stayed in bed for twenty years as she rode buses to places to attempt to communicate with other deaf-blind people in hospitals throughout the country. I think the country was Germany. In one scene a lot of deaf-blind people went to a zoo. It showed deaf-blind people holding sheep and I think monkeys and I think getting licked by horses. I’m pretty sure there weren’t ostriches in the movie but I have images of deaf-blind people getting licked somehow by ostriches. During the zoo scene I felt emotional and sometimes grinned. The zoo scene was in a kind of montage and seemed to me like a parody of Hollywood movie montages but in way that made me feel Werner Herzog wasn't at all thinking about Hollywood movie montages when he edited it.

At the end of the documentary three people are on a bench. One is a deaf-blind man. The other two are the deaf-blind man’s sister and I think caretaker and her friend who is also a woman. The deaf-blind man is sitting between the two woman who are talking to each other. After one or two minutes the deaf-blind man stands and walks away. The camera follows the deaf-blind man away from the women who continue talking to each other. The deaf-blind man walks over a grassy lawn to a large tree that is alone on the lawn and stands there feeling the tree’s trunk and branches with his hands for a few minutes until the movie ends.

When I think about being deaf and blind I feel like crying. I feel like I would just sit there crying. It would be really strange. I wouldn’t be able to hear myself crying. If a deaf blind person talks aloud or screams things a normal person will probably go to them and touch them and that would be the only feedback the deaf-blind person would receive (unless both people knew the deaf-blind alphabet) for talking or screaming things. That is kind of funny I think. I know I really wouldn’t cry if I was deaf and blind. I would probably accept my situation, or accept the "reality" of it, after a few days and then my life would maybe be almost completely the same as before in terms of emotions. I honestly believe that. But maybe I’m not sure. I would feel really alone if I was deaf and blind. But people who read my poetry probably think “this person is really alone and depressed, probably he can’t be more alone or depressed.” Being deaf and blind might improve my life. Some people might say that’s a stupid thing to say, like I should be grateful for what I have, but it honestly to me seems not any more stupid than a deaf and blind person saying it might improve their life if they were not deaf and blind. It might be harder for me to be in power struggles involving other humans or be affected by certain hierarchies or be affected how certain people or things look like, or various other things that cause me to feel uncertainty and despair, if I was deaf and blind.

7x news item

brandon scott gorrell interviewed me about his poetry book (read reviews here; order here or here)

here is my blurb for during my nervous breakdown i want to have a biographer present: "Brandon's first poetry book feels to me like 'a classic.' It seems to exhibit the 'high-quality' versions of meaningless, irony/sarcasm, and depression that I seem to 'crave' in literature, and I anticipate rereading it maybe 10-30 more times in my life (think I've reread it 3-7 times 'already'). I also anticipate regularly referring to Brandon's first poetry book in conversations with people, or with myself, in my head, for the next 1-30 years. In my view, based on what I know about the following things, 'new levels' of tone, sarcasm, meaninglessness, 'feeling bad,' and self-awareness have been conveyed by Brandon in his first poetry book."

my facebook url is now http://www.facebook.com/kmartrealism

meridian interviewed me

i interviewed clancy martin (clancy martin god debate)

i published poetry on my tumblr (2, 3)

reviews of 'the brandon book crisis' (~70 units still available) can be read

During My Nervous Breakdown I Want to Have a Biographer Present (Muumuu House, 2009) by Brandon Scott Gorrell "has arrived"

Copies are available from Brandon Scott Gorrell (signed; recommended), the Muumuu House store, and Small Press Distribution. The launch party is July 3 at PPOW Gallery. The official release date is June 20.

To interview Brandon, request a review copy, profile Brandon, or profile Muumuu House email muumuuhouse [at] gmail.com or contact Brandon directly through his blog.

"Such hilarious, surprising, aphoristic poems. They do not stop at funny: they move into the territory of sad; the drab panic of daily life." - Deb Olin Unferth

"I like these poems. I really do. They made me laugh." - Matthew Rohrer

"I feel lonely, and while I'm lonely, reading this book makes me feel less lonely." - Noah Cicero

"I have been going through a thing lately of not feeling like I want to read, unless I 'have' to (like I'm on a bus or something), but I read Brandon's book and enjoyed it a lot and felt excited." - Chris Killen

During My Nervous Breakdown I Want to Have a Biographer Present (Muumuu House, 2009) statistics:

Paper: 55# Rolland Enviro Natural (100% recycled)
Pages: 88
Word count: ~10,100
Size: 5.3125" x 7.75"
Weight: ~4.7 ounces
1st printing: 2500
1st printing weight: ~692 pounds
Style: offset, perfect-bound, paperback
# of poems/stories: 37
Author photo credit: Nylon Magazine
Font: arial (exterior), helvetica (interior)
Goodreads page: here

Muumuu House books are distributed by Small Press Distribution or directly at a 58.33% discount. Lifetime subscriptions are available for $100. For more information go to Muumuu House's Facebook, Goodreads, or Twitter. Thank you for your time.

The Brandon Book Crisis (Muumuu House, 2009) "has arrived"

Copies are available here. View excerpts here and here and more information and reviews here.

The Brandon Book Crisis is a 152 page paperback “thriller” conveyed through unedited Gmail chats, emails, voicemails, and text messages—featuring Brandon Scott Gorrell, Tao Lin, Jeff, Linda, Tod, Sarah, and others (view its index/glossary).

The Brandon Book Crisis is limited to 150 signed/numbered copies, and will likely sell out. The first ~20 copies have been mailed to Muumuu House lifetime subscribers.

Lifetime subscribers can 30-60% expect "surprise" books like this to "happen" at a rate of 1-5 every 2 years, I think. Lifetime subscriptions are $100, a price that will likely increase over time.



For an enlarged view go here. For more information go here. To view the entire index/glossary of The Brandon Book Crisis, slightly edited from what appears in the book, due to hyperlink considerations, go here.

Orders for Ellen Kennedy's book and preorders for Brandon Scott Gorrell's book can be made. The first printing of Ellen Kennedy's book (of which David Ohle, in a new blurb, said, "She's in control of the power of the ordinary. The kind of poet you want to meet after reading") is projected to sell out at some point. Thank you for your time and consideration.

"Is anything real," an essay by Tao Lin showing how some things might not be real

Case Study #1, 2009

Apr 30 Brandon Scott Gorrell announces a short story contest run by Brandon Scott Gorrell. The contest guidelines say "i am going to choose the winning story based on how much i 'enjoyed' reading it."

May 23 Brandon Scott Gorrell posts the story he picked as winner of Brandon Scott Gorrell's short-story contest.

May 24 Michael Hemmingson says (~15th comment) the winner of the story contest does not exist and that he read a draft of the winning story, a month ago, authored by Tao Lin. ~30 minutes later Anonymous comments a link showing the winner exists.

May 24 Tao Lin says (~20-40th comment[s]) the story that won was written, at some point, to some degree, by Tao Lin, who then gave the story to someone else, the person who eventually won the contest. Tao Lin and Brandon Scott Gorrell say that Brandon Scott Gorrell did not have this information at the time Brandon Scott Gorrell chose the winner of the contest. Tao Lin lists the reasons he did what he did.

May 26 ~1:25 PM The Fiction Circus publishes an article called "Tao Lin Wins His Own Contest and Refuses to Refund the Entry Fee Money to the Other Contestants."

May 26 ~1:40 PM Edward Champion Twitters: "Did Tao Lin take prize money and defraud his fans? http://bit.ly/gPuBS." Edward Champion has 776 followers on Twitter.

May 26 ~3:30 PM Flavorpill Twitters: "Heh: Tao Lin wins his own writing contest. http://bit.ly/MLZca." Flavorpill has 3,284 followers on Twitter.

May 26 ~4:45 PM Brandon Scott Gorrell posts a response to the The Fiction Circus article, showing that almost every sentence in the article is factually incorrect, including three items in the article's title.

Case Study #2, 2008

Jul 31 Tao Lin announces that he is selling shares of his next novel and in the announcement says the novel is "linear, focused on one relationship, and a 'page turner,' I think, though also rereadable. While writing it I have been focused on making it so that you both 'need to see what happens next' and 'can turn to any page and read it and feel interested.'"

Aug 4 The Telegraph publishes an article called "Penniless author sells shares in next novel" that says "Investors can pay $2,000 (£1,000) in return for a 10 per cent share of the royalties of Tao Lin’s as-yet-unfinished second novel."

Aug 5 The New Yorker's book blog says "Tao Lin is selling ten-per-cent shares of the royalties for an unfinished novel on his blog."

Aug 7 BBC Radio says "a penniless author has sold shares in the royalties of his next book which he hasn't even written yet."

Aug 22 Gawker posts a blog post called "How Tao Lin Made A Quick Twelve Grand Selling A Novel He Hasn't Written!" ~9500 people have viewed this post in entirety; perhaps more than ~100,000 have read the headline.

Aug 23 Gawker posts a blog post that says "Tao Lin, who recently raised $12,000 in investors' money for a book that doesn't even exist." That day, or the next day, Tao Lin's publisher emails Gawker saying the novel is 95% finished. That day or the next day, when the post is likely no longer on the front page, "doesn't even exist" is crossed out and replaced with "'95% finished,' according to Tao." ~4500 have viewed this post in entirety.

Conclusion

The above two case studies, in addition to books I have read about various industries, for example Serious Adverse Events by Celia Farber, combine to make it seem to me like information that is not source information is also very likely "not real," or, "not accurate" information. Seems like misinformation usually begins when entities (in these cases Michael Hemmingson, The Fiction Circus, various pharmeceutical companies) "just say anything," usually something "not factual but newsworthy," which then gets "picked up" by portions of the media (in these cases Flavorpill, BBC Radio, Gawker) which focus on what is "newsworthy" over what is "factual" to a degree that they do not check the source, which is often "one link away."

Why does that happen

Portions of the media, whether not for profit (The Fiction Circus, for example, I think) or for profit ("all of them," it seems, except maybe ones that "actually make a larger profit by 'upholding journalistic standards,'" like maybe the New York Times), won't write about something that isn't "newsworthy," because things not "newsworthy" don't get as many hits as things that are "newsworthy." Some of the media (the portion of the for profit mentioned earlier that is also publicly-owned) is existentially required to increase profits and therefore "have no choice" but to do what will get them the most hits, causing more advertising revenue. This is not the CEO's choice and not even the corporation's choice. If the CEO or some part of the corporation is not contributing to increased profits the shareholders (which, though, includes members of the corporation) will vote the CEO or CFO or whoever is "holding back" the corporation out of their position, and hire a new CEO or CFO or team of janitors or whoever.

Interlude

May 26 9:26 PM Muumuu House publishes "selections from Miles Ross' Twitter account."

How I view certain things, today, having "personally experienced" and also "read about" certain things in the last five years

When I read things that are "newsworthy" I don't believe them, to some degree, a degree that increases based on factors I explained earlier. I automatically assume, to some degree, to a functional degree, I feel, that anything that is getting attention in the media is not accurate to a certain extent. I view many, or all, headlines, with a nearly-automatic assumption that it is not telling me accurate information, to some degree. I look at products with concrete (non-"artistic") functions and I try, firstly, to view the product (such as any medicine or vitamin or soap or cleaner or food, etc.) concretely and without preconception in order to see "what it really does," deliberately not believing the stated functions, to some degree

Epilogue re "Case Study #1"

May 26 6:37 PM Brandon Scott Gorrell creates a forum for actual contestants to post their feelings re the contest.

9x news item

the poetry foundation published an essay by me, i just tried to reread it, seems unreadable

other essays by me: what i can tell you about seattle, levels of greatness a fiction writer can achieve in america, a review of 'the woodcutters' by thomas bernhard, an essay on kmart realism

jimmy chen reviewed 'the brandon book crisis' (order; more reviews here, here, here)

lee rourke reviewed 'sometimes my hear pushes my ribs' (order)

dennis loy johnson interviewed me about my $8100 myspace sale

muumuu house published everyone i've had sex with & elevated self esteem as a result of alcohol consumption by megan boyle

bomb magazine interviewed me

i created a muxtape and 'had sex' with red bull and published a 'long lost, recently rediscovered' poem

I think I'm "banned" from Gawker but someone emailed me a list of "items" to type about, I felt not sure what ~60% of these "items" were referring to

I think "banned from and writing for" Gawker / previous Gawker coverage.

Oprah KFC Riot – Makes me feel like this “confirms” some suspicion I’ve never had like that Oprah takes baths in mashed potatoes to “relieve stress.” Perez Hilton wins "name/brand" lawsuit – Makes me feel like my penis is 5 feet wide but 2 inches long, and made out of marble, and in front of a Target somewhere. Wesleyan Student Killer, relateds – Makes me feel like eating overcooked steamed broccoli and cauliflower from a “square” in a tray, using some salt and a lot of pepper. Silda Spitzer reconnects with Eliot again – Makes me feel like I’ll feel “really sweet” when I masturbate when I’m over 50-years-old. Santa Barbara pool party, SB burning – Makes me feel like succesfully licking my own limp penis while alone, with no one around in a 5-mile radius, poolside outside a 8-million dollar mansion. new Eminem album leaks – Makes me feel like in the video for C.R.E.A.M. there is a tiny leprechaun in the background somewhere that hasn’t been discovered yet, and if you zoom in on it the leprechaun looks “really, really scary.” 539,000 jobs lost in april -- this is improvement – Makes me have images of people “being sweet” on front stoops throughout “the south.” Letterman - Animal Collective (maybe?) - Makes me feel like I have an in-grown penis that wants to cry but due to the physical law of the universe that two things of "matter" cannot occupy one thing of "space" cannot cry. Manny Ramirez on steroids – Makes me feel like the president should lecture Manny Ramirez in front of Manny’s extended family of probably 80-120 people. MIss California shit - Makes me wish I was a five-year-old Caucasian girl in a suburb of Los Angeles in 1999 with "sexy, medium-rich" parents and a "strong lineage" of excellent genes. Obama dijon mustard elitist scandal – Makes me feel like rubbing an organic soy hotdog on my penis then becoming confused at whether what I’m rubbing is my penis or the soy hot dog and then thinking “‘what difference does it make,’ hehe.” hipster grifter ratted out, captured -- Makes me feel like I'm at the post office staring without thinking anything at someone that looks "very Asian" but is speaking in a southern accent without any self-consciousness. Kindle DX revealed – Makes me feel like rollerblading so fast that my face burns off and then sitting in a reclining chair in heaven asking someone if they have “the new Updike” on their Kindle because “I’m low on funds but wanted to check that out.” Bristol Palin shit – Makes me feel like traveling back in time to when I was 11 and then going fishing with my dad and then eating Korean noodles after fishing and then going home and masturbating to something off a Nintendo game’s cover art. James Frey? – Makes me feel like combing my hair for 5-10 minutes with a “neutral facial expression” while thinking about “nothing.” Who will buy twitter? Apple, Microsoft, etc – Makes me feel like 6th and 7th graders’ new slang for either “small penis,” “ejaculation,” or “lay-up [in basketball]” is “Twitter.” Oprah and Jenny McCarthy join forces – Makes me feel like I’m not going to “cum" anymore in my life. Boston Globe survives – Makes me feel like I go into a movie theatre ready to see the new “Star Trek” and instead I see a five-minute video of an ant transforming into a Stegasaurus. end of the swine flu scare – Makes me feel like wiping sweat off my “brow” and then walking to a window overlooking a river and a tree and assuming an intensely “calm/pensive” facial expression.