twittered 'jesus' today

just 'chugged' a large iced coffee

currently wearing a 'joy williams' shirt

it is purple with joy williams' head on it

above joy williams' head it says 'joy williams'

i'll wear either my 'joy williams' shirt or my 'i am carles' shirt to all shoplifting from american apparel readings, i feel

people will think '[something about hipster runoff]' or '[something about joy williams],' both types of thoughts that might somehow cause people to want to buy my books or 'at least' think about googling me 'at some point'

'should i be revealing my secrets'

my secrets to a successful career

just briefly thought about my career arc, saw something like 'a long, thin tentacle flailing wildly in a "pitch-black" environment,' then felt confused 'how i could have seen' the tentacle if the environment was 'pitch-black'

now not sure 'at all' if i 'even' saw tentacles

feeling confused, 'did i just "imagine" "seeing" it'

is there a 2nd or 3rd 'level of reality' inside my head

just briefly saw a cheeseburger or something 'flying around'

i feel happy about the 'joy williams' shirt, joseph moore made, or 'created,' it

do people like blog posts like this blog post

am i 'stupid'

'above joy williams' head it says "joy williams"': 'damn'

wondering if i can somehow manipulate twitter's code to start a new kind of twitter where the limit is one word

seems like sometimes i would twitter 'damn,' sometimes 'jesus,' sometimes 'heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com'

is there anything else

can't really think of other words i would want to convey

i guess sometimes 'sweet' or 'alone'

the 'most viral' 'book trailer' of 2009-2010

Relevant links: Statistics, Goodreads page, Facebook group, Publisher's page

3x "early review" re Shoplifting from American Apparel (Melville House, Sept. 2009)

7/15, "Damning" ([grad student], Tumblr)

Tao Lin’s newest work, a novella called Shoplifting from American Apparel, is like a version of Malle’s My Dinner with André written especially for glue-huffers and self-loathing masturbation addicts; in other words, Lin’s book is content with—and perhaps even self-consciously celebrates—its own banality and mediocrity, never aspiring to be anything more.

7/17, "Positive" (Michael Schaub, Bookslut)

[Shoplifting from American Apparel is] somehow both the funniest and the saddest book I've read in a long time, it's his best writing yet, and I strongly urge all of you to pick up a copy when it comes out in a few weeks. Tao is too original to compare to anybody, but his writing is more compelling and true than any young writer I've read in ages; his fiction reminds me of Mary Robison's best work. I recommend him highly.

7/24, "Diary rendered in third person" (Publishers Weekly)

The Internet has spawned a generation exceedingly more awkward, apathetic and lost than any that has come before—at least, this seems to be the message and intention of Lin’s underwhelming novella (after Eeeee Eee Eeee and Bed). Sam, a young writer with “good rankings on Amazon,” works at an organic vegan restaurant and spends much of his time checking e-mails and instant messaging with his equally detached friends while wandering downtown Manhattan and Brooklyn. There is, indeed, the shoplifting of a T-shirt (and, later, earphones), the acts—both of which end in Sam’s arrest—motivated by a need for “variety.” Though Lin strives to paint a portrait of a generation of disaffected youth “caught in the soft blue light of Internet Explorer,” this offers little more than lackadaisical pop culture reportage that reads mostly like a diary rendered in third person.

*PROSE STYLE DISCLAIMER* "caught in the soft blue light of Internet Explorer" is a misquote, the word "caught" is not used in that line in the book. *PROSE STYLE DISCLAIMER*

Relevant links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, "should I remix it" post, Goodreads page, Facebook group, Publisher's page

my unpublished novel (before 'eeeee eee eeee'); 'it's nice that' guest poster

just read in my 'diary' from 2004 that i emailed 'about a dozen' people my ~100,000 word unpublished novel

i don't have the novel anymore, it was on a computer that i 'threw away' in a public trash can in jersey city and i think an aol email account that i don't have access to anymore

do one of those people that i emailed the novel to exist, where are you, can you email me back my novel, if you still have it, i would like to 'regain' my unpublished novel, in order to sell it on ebay probably, and am offering a $30 'reward'

i was a guest poster on it's nice that this week, they interviewed me and posted 1 thing a day from me (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Shoplifting from American Apparel (Sept. 2009) promotional post part five

Release date: Sept. 15 2009
Genre: autobiographical, fiction, novella
Blurb: "Helluvanovella." - Daniel Handler
Blurb: "I loved the book." - Stephen Elliott
Blurb: "[N]ew favorite book." - Lesley Arfin
Early Reviews: here
Word count: 18167
Flesch-Kincaid grade level: 3.5



Relevant links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, "should I remix it" post, Goodreads page, Facebook group, Publisher's page

8.5" x 1.25" fuck america stickers

can be purchased in the tao lin store

should there be a machine that makes you 'fall asleep immediately'

seems weird someone hasn't invented this machine

honestly seems weird

have corporations that make sleeping pills sabotaged the invention of a device that makes you 'fall asleep immediately'

like how gm and other car companies sabotaged the electric car

have dozens of inventors been 'assassinated'

'has anyone "even" written a science fiction novel about a world in which this device exists'

almost seems like the world we exist in is a science fiction novel written by someone that exists in a world where this device exists

i imagine it being like ear muffs or something

you put the ear muffs on and 'are immediately asleep'

it should be invented by advil or even, like, google

'imagine how useful that would be'

seems like it would 'change the world' 'metaphysically' re how the printing press 'changed the world' 'physically' or something

small children would learn about it and maybe giggle uncontrollably then later in life compare and contrast it with the printing press in 5-10 page essays then later in life probably use it 3-10 times a day then later in life probably attend meetings where they discuss 'being addicted' to it then later in life probably 'set it' for 'asleep forever'

you would be able to turn a knob on the ear muffs to set how long you want to be asleep

desecrated my body to promote my literary career

i feel the 'sole purpose' of this tattoo is to 'promote my career'

i see journalists 'inadvertantly' noticing my bluefin tuna tattoos, automatically asking if i have more tattoos

i see myself saying 'i have a fuck america tattoo' in a severely depressed monotone

i see journalists being at their computers late at night emailing their editors 'the lede of this article will grab people immediately and in a refreshingly bloggable manner, increasing the hits of the huffington post while fitting excitingly into the broader meme of generation y's increasingly relevant expressions of ennui, post elizabeth wurtzel depression, and pre obama optimism post 9/11; highly twitterable, specifically relevant to the lucrative 18 to 24 demographic, and image-based enough to get significantly reblogged re tumblr, i believe this would make a viral-ready article and would like to request more space in order to include a photograph and an in-depth analysis of lin's role in mainstream society'

journalists who 'hate america' will feel temporarily purposeful and 'work harder,' causing readable articles to be produced, affecting the average reader with the ability to 'retain interest' 'even after 2-4 full sentences'

additionally, by promoting a 'fuck america tattoo,' journalists will experience the vague sensation that they are fighting capitalism, saving the environment, and avoiding the 'crippling irony' that has afflicted so much of today's media content

in barnes and noble across the country, perhaps, people will whisper things in the poetry aisle

my career will blossom from something that looks like a rose that has been 'laying' in a cesspool 'deep in brooklyn' for 2-6 days into something that looks like a rose that has been 'trampled upon' for 1-3 days unintentionally on a sidewalk outside a non zagat rated indian restaurant outside park slope

has 'a new low' been reached in my career

feels both like 'i can't reach any lower lows' and 'obviously i will reach many more new lows, probably within 3-5 days'

just typed in gmail chat 'damn, typing the retardedest blog post ever' without using 'any' quote marks

typing the word 'retardedest' without putting at least one set of quote marks around it seems like 'a bad sign'

wonder if this blog post creates situations 'too meta' for journalists to successfully 'angle-ize' re their editors

or do modern journalists require some degree of meta in order to 'even begin to think about writing something'

when i think 'modern journalists' i see robocop sitting with straight posture on a wooden carton somehow 'eating' watermelon

not sure how, 'maybe "just" by absorbing it through his forehead using advanced technologies'

'he seems severely depressed'

just remembered another post where i end the post with an image of a nonexistent entity appearing severely depressed

'what does this all mean'

'is this what it feels like to be a character in a thomas pynchon novel'

honestly feels to some degree like i'm in 'the crying of lot 49' right now



*i don't smoke cigarettes & feel probably unable to philosophically defend smoking cigarettes