ad to probably appear at some point on hipster runoff

buy brandon's book from brandon here; buy muumuu house goods/lifetime subscription here; view more ads here

Shoplifting from American Apparel (Sept. 2009) promotional post part four

I think maybe twenty people have read a galley of SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPARE (pre-order). That number factually could be "as high as" sixty or "as low as" eight or nine. If people read it then emailed me lying to me it could be "as low as" one or two. "As yet" no person has emailed me telling me the novella is really bad. (In the past few days one person has emailed me that I was a better person in 2005; a second human being has Facebook messaged me that I'm the "biggest fail on the internet"). Not sure if I'll ever write another "20-page short story" in the style of Lorrie Moore. Not sure if I'll ever publish another book that isn't "obviously shitty," like that I didn't intend to be "obviously shitty," in a way that displays "obvious, 'vaguely deliberate' disregard" for professionalism or "full-scale" thematic cohesion. Honestly not sure what I'm talking about, just want to keep typing. Seems these promotional posts should exist as large paragraphs. Seems like "steady cash flow without a real job" continues to elude me, as I enter my mid-mid-late 20's. If foreign sales re SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL "work" I can be "set for a number of years, or, like, one year." Not sure how to get countries like Austria, China, Mongolia, and South Korea interested in my forthcoming novella. I can honestly imagine a "laid-back" Mongolian reading my novella sitting in a chair outside a tent on a kind of "tundra" and enjoying it. "Just being honest." Think "the German EEEEE EEE EEEE" has "failed badly," but I'm not sure. Not sure what's happening in Germany. Feel certain EEEEE EEE EEEE will "fail" "big time" in Spain re this cover. I honestly "can't" currently remember what other country bought EEEEE EEE EEEE. I just remembered, it's Japan. "How did I forget Japan, I 'love' Japan." Not sure what to type about Japan publishing EEEEE EEE EEEE. There's an annual literary prize in Japan, the Akutagawa Prize, and one year two 19-year-olds won, I think. I read the winning book by Hitomi Kanehara (Wikipedia page is wrong re age she wrote it, I think) and liked it, I think. The other winner's book by Risa Wataya was not translated to English, it seems. Those two people were b. 1983 and 1984. I remember thinking about Japan's "literary scene" a lot for maybe three or four nights alone in the dark in my room at times like 2 a.m. or 4 a.m. I felt like maybe young people in Japan could somehow think I was an "exciting figure" or something. Since I'm far away from them and in a different culture, young people in Japan could think things about me, like how I thought certain things about certain things when I was 10 or something. Then I could go there and live in hotels. "Damn, 'what the hell' am I talking about right now." "Do people think I'm projecting 'Lost in Translation,' should I 'address' that." If SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL sells to 10 countries at an average of $4000 per country I will get something like $30,000, I think. Will this promotional post be effective, what have I conveyed in this promotional post. I currently have three readings in NYC around SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL's official release date of Sept. 8. I have a reading Sept. 8 at BookCourt, Sept. 10 at Spoonbill & Sugartown, Sept. 13 at the Brooklyn Book Festival. Should I wear glasses. Should I "act like a bro." Should I talk shit about myself continuously during Q&A's. What will be most effective re foreign rights sales. Seems like I'll "do anything" to maximize foreign rights sales. While walking to buy coffee today I think I "fantasized" "wearily" about a front-page New York Times Book Review review of SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL in a "foreign rights sales context." I felt the review would be by Keith Gessen or Benjamin Kunkel and that Argentina would feel impelled to "finally" express interest in foreign rights re Tao Lin "albeit cautiously." I imagined a 72-year-old editor in Argentina staring at the review thinking things like "move swiftly but cautiously" in a sarcastic manner with a neutral facial expression that due to age seemed like a "grim" facial expression. I felt he would probably die of a heart attack before the acquisition was made, "before the first draft of the contract were even completed." Seemed "bleak."

Relevant links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, "should I remix it" post, Goodreads page, Facebook group, Publisher's page

muumuu house extravaganza post

1x bookslut blurb

"I read [DURING MY NERVOUS BREAKDOWN... & SOMETIMES MY HEART PUSHES MY RIBS] recently, and reread them both immediately after finishing them. Gorrell and Kennedy are the most talented young poets I've read in years, and their books are stunning — it's the kind of writing that's impulsive and emotionally raw, but also more layered and sophisticated than they appear. It's hard for any poet to be funny and heartbreaking in the space of one poem, or even one stanza, but it's a skill these young writers execute perfectly. They made me excited about poetry and independent publishing all over again." - Michael Schaub, Bookslut

1x official book release

brandon scott gorrell's during my nervous breakdown i want to have a biographer present is officially out today; go here to order it from him, read reviews and interviews, and view his reading tour schedule

"Such hilarious, surprising, aphoristic poems. They do not stop at funny: they move into the territory of sad; the drab panic of daily life." - Deb Olin Unferth, author of VACATION and MINOR ROBBERIES

11x coverage / relevant article

plan b magazine (uk) wrote a one-page feature article about muumuu house
poets & writers wrote a one-paragraph 'thing' about muumuu house
chris killen (uk) wrote a comprehensive article about muumuu house
michael schaub at bookslut reviewed muumuu house's two poetry books
molly young at 'we love you so' reviewed brandon scott gorrell's book
bomb magazine's blog interviewed brandon scott gorrell
matador published an article by brandon scott gorrell re his west coast book tour
kelley hoffman at 'the pipeline' reviewed brandon scott gorrell's book
megan boyle reviewed brandon scott gorrell's book and 'the brandon book crisis'
bostonist gmail-chat interviewed brandon scott gorrell
the examiner wrote an article re the muumuu house reading at brookline booksmith
kathleen rooney at octopus magazine reviewed ellen kennedy's book

6x reading

july 3, 7 pm at PPOW gallery, launch party for brandon scott gorrell w/ chelsea martin, zachary german
july 4, 4 pm at space space for poetry time w/ brandon scott gorrell, zachary german, abigail lloyd
july 5, 5 pm at cake shop for polestar w/ brandon scott gorrell, ellen kennedy, zachary german
july 7, 7 pm at brookline booksmith in massachusetts w/ brandon scott gorrell, tao lin
july 26, 5 pm at the anne bonney in seattle, dual launch party for brandon scott gorrell & jacob severn
july 30, 7 pm at pilot books in seattle w/ brandon scott gorrell, matthew simmons

*muumuu house products are available in the muumuu house store

selected blog posts from this blog arranged chronologically

2005 - seems like a very long time ago, seems difficult to discern what it was like 'back then,' have 'hazy images' of 'myself eating pasta,' 'though in conjunction with what unit of information do i not have those images?'

writing and the internet and my novel - an msn blog or msnbc blog or something linked this and it got 'mad hits' but people then seemed to forget about it, i feel mildly afraid to reread it

kmart, kmart realism; the rise, struggle, decline of - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, i have distinct memories of thinking 'this seems really good' while working on it then while walking to the bathroom, being in the bathroom, and walking back to the nyu computer lab where i was working on it feeling excited about it; i think i confidently felt that it was 'very funny and maybe "sophisticated"' and that people would like it and that it might 'go viral' in 'the lit blog world' (when it was posted no one seemed to care, it received 2 comments)

giant 'joy williams' post - this is a 4-part post about joy williams, it includes things i found about her on lexisnexis and descriptions of all of her books and an essay by her that i read in an anthology in 'bobst library' when i was 'kind of obsessed' with literature that i typed in entirety into the computer

i went fishing with my family when i was five - a video of me reading this is available here, seems like if this were a children's book it could 'go viral' 'in real life,' i can imagine 'hip' 70-year-olds buying it but i can also imagine oprah-watching 70-year-olds buying it (i can also imagine many other kinds of people buying it)

2006 - seems like a very long time ago but somehow much less long ago than 2005

an essay on the difference between people who read nicholas sparks and people who don't read nicholas sparks - i feel afraid to reread this

11,000 word post about the functions of 'editing' someone that isn't yourself - i feel mildly afraid to reread this

i blogged about every story in my 2nd bear parade book - i started rereading this and felt a medium amount of approval toward it then felt mild fear and mild-to-medium amounts of boredom and stopped rereading it

a blog post about richard yates' oeuvre - i feel afraid to reread this

a two-part essay by me about writing - i feel very afraid to reread this

i blogged about every poem in my 1st poetry book - i feel 'pretty certain' that if i reread this i would feel bad

2007 - seems like a 'really modern' year, seems more like 2170 or 7000 than something in the 21st century for some reason, seems like i 'miss' 2007 'big time' but somewhat sarcastically

an essay about wanting to read at clayton banes' bookstore - i reread this and edited it a little while rereading it and liked it, i felt impressed at times

a blog post about self-promotion - i feel vaguely afraid to reread this

a blog post about noon magazine and kmart realism - i feel mildly afraid to reread this

giant blog post for journalists - would be 'very sweet' if this post went viral, seems like people used to click on this post in the past but not as much anymore, i'm not sure why that changed

an essay about cho seung-hui's killing rampage - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, i have emailed this post to people when they ask me questions about certain things, this post is maybe recommended for people who think i'm [something bad] due to [something about sarcasm or irony or apathy or ennui] maybe

the giant moose - i want to collect my animal things into a book maybe

the moose and the gerbil and the confused manatee - i felt surprised seeing this, i don't really remember writing it, seems like i 'needed' to be in a certain mood to write it, a mood that is 'rare' maybe

the nearly-severely depressed bird - i typed 'the nearly-severely depressed giant bird' at first (in this blog post)

the disappointed ant - ants seem funny, to me, 'in theory' but when i look at them it seems like they don't seem funny at all

giant blog post about readings i did in california and washington and oregon - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, i feel i've probably alienated 90-98% of the people mentioned in this blog post

the vegan muffin - i like my prose style in my stories with animals in them

penis dictionary - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, it was rejected by mcsweeney's, i remember thinking more than once that it was 'very funny' and would 'probably go viral' (when it was posted no one seemed to care, i think)

opposite of song of myself - for an amount of time i wanted to write more poems like this, in this tone and style, and have it be the tone and style of my 3rd poetry book; today i feel that this poem is 'enough' and that my 3rd poetry book's style continues to elude me

excerpts from fernando pessoa's 'the book of disquiet' - i like this book, seems like people feel weird about this book, in that people i thought would like it seem to feel weird about it and are quiet or kind of disapproving when i ask them about it

a blog post about the mississippi review and kmart realism - i feel mildly afraid to reread this

2008 - seems like 'one of the shittiest years i've been alive' but for 'no concrete reason,' probably just because i don't associate the number 8 with modernity or 'high quality meaninglessness' but with things like hamburgers, 'unsarcastic severe depression,' and 'lives lived without feelings of detachment' for some reason

a giant blog post about stephen dixon - i feel mildly afraid to reread this

the gay stepdad - i feel mildly afraid to reread this

a lot of people including clancy martin, deb olin unferth, and david ohle blogged about one event - i felt really surprised when i saw this while making this blog post, seems like clancy martin and deb olin unferth are very famous now, i feel 'pleasantly surprised' they participated in this, i still feel surprised right now, as i type this; hope this blog post 'goes viral' 'retroactively' but feel certain it won't

a giant blog post about various things or something - i'm going through this blog post adding descriptions to links i have pasted here, and when i read this link i felt that i didn't know what it was at all, seems like this post is notable only for being 'giant' and 'various,' not sure if something like this can 'go viral' at all

promote my career for me - i think this blog post was effective and got someone to add a 'bio' box on my wikipedia page, seems like i don't feel afraid to reread this blog post but also feel no urge to

a really giant blog post - seems like this blog post is notable for being 'really giant,' i honestly wonder if anyone will click this link

kafka is 'emo' - this post has excerpts from a kafka biography

a guide or something to kmart realism - this post has a 'kmart realism reading list' i think

a blog post showing i can be trusted - i feel medium-to-large amounts of fear re rereading this blog post, i feel 'weak' and like i have 'weakened' myself in a nondesirable manner, maybe, for having made this blog post, seems like certain pressures caused me (in a moment of 'weakness') to make this blog post, a blog post i normally wouldn't make, but i'm not sure, seems like i'm being a 'little bitch' right now in this description; however i feel that i would still 'be okay' with this blog post 'going viral'

a blog post about phrases that have been associated with me or something - this post probably damaged my career by doing what a journalist could have done in an article 2-4 years from now that would cause me to become iconic to some degree; instead i made myself 'less iconic' by demystifying myself maybe

the '1st ever' blog post about muumuu house - i feel tired, this blog post is 'taking so long'

'shoplifting from american apparel' promotional post part one - more promotional posts will arrive soon

2009 - seems 'really good,' as a year, like a newer version of 2007; think i might just like odd numbers more than even numbers, seems so close to 2010 that when i think about it it sometimes feels (contrary to my concrete reality) like i'm living in a glass dome in another galaxy where there are no cats, wood floors or other surfaces that have become impossible to make 'look clean,' or motor vehicles larger than ones that seem immediately 'notably small'

the 'can't concentrate' manatee - i feel tired

my development as a human being - i feel tired

a review of a book with jean rhys in it - i feel tired

a review of 'u and i' by nicholson baker - i feel tired

a kind of giant blog post about me being in germany - i think i like this blog post, someone emailed me saying it should be published as a book, i think i would like that, feel very mildly afraid to reread it

an introduction for 'it's nice that' issue one - i feel tired

a post promoting that my posts go viral that itself is a post that i want to go viral - i feel tired

a science-fiction themed post - a blog post about a machine that makes you fall asleep immediately

a post titled simple 'jesus' - i remember liking this blog post when i first blogged it

giant post re 'every japanese book i have read' re publication of the japanese translation of 'eeeee eee eeee' - contains descriptions of books by haruki murakami, hitomi kanehara, kobo abe, osamu dazai, genichiro takahashi, masanobu fukuoka, ryunosuki akutagawa; since this blog post i have read 'almost transparent blue' by ryu murakami 3 or 4 times and 'autofiction' by hitomi kanehara 1 time

interview with malcolm gladwell - i did this for 'gigantic magazine'

celebration of my art blog - the one-year anniversary of my art blog, features photography of my art by noah kalina

selected coverage re of 'shoplifting from american apparel' - a blog post of every 'notable or interesting or [certain other adjectives], in my view, to a certain degree' piece of coverage re 'shoplifting from american apparel'

decade in review - my life from ages 16 - 26

urban outfitters decides to sell 'shoplifting from american apparel' - contains information about the possibly forthcoming 'shoplifting shoplifting from american apparel from urban outfitters'

2010 - seems calm yet scary, not sure really, i see sunlight and grassy fields and full-page reviews in bookforum but i also see myself eating kashi cereal alone in my room while listening to the same bands i listened to in 12th grade whenever i felt 'really sad'

a 'pretty long' review of 'joe gould's secret' - if i wrote this now (8/17/10) i would probably edit it more and submit it to 'thought catalog'

1-star 'video review' re 'shoplifting from american apparel' on amazon - 'hehe'

'north american hamsters' - a blog post about my forthcoming iphone app, i think i currently (8/17/10) have ~15-40% of it completed, i want to publish it as a print book also at some point

3-part/2-hour lecture re art/'kmart realism'/philosophy - i have given the full presentation at 'kansas city art institute' and the art portion of the presentation at 'vassar' so far, i like doing the art presentation

'gidgetsparks' music video - i made the music and shot/edited the video for this music video, it is set in the house i live in's front walkway

nylon magazine - i had people vote on what i would wear in the september issue of nylon, people kept voting that i wear 'cum' on my face, i felt scared

'very giant' contest re 'richard yates' - i created a 3-part contest w/ maybe ~$2000 worth of prizes, i liked organizing this and reading/watching the entries

'richard yates' coverage - 'richard yates' receives a medium-large to large amount of coverage

2011 - 10 years since my first year of college

'the future of the novel' - 'ny observer' solicited me to write about 'the future of the novel' for them

'drug-related photoshop art' - vice published 13 'pieces' i made in photoshop

vintage/'third novel' - vintage buys north american rights to my third novel

2012 - seems like the future

A review of Land of Silence and Darkness by Werner Herzog by Tao Lin

Land of Silence and Darkness (1971) is a documentary by Werner Herzog about people who are deaf and blind. One person was okay until she was a teenager when she became deaf and blind. She stayed in bed for the next twenty years. She really stayed in bed, according to the documentary, for something like twenty years and was very depressed during those twenty years, she said. Then she became very productive suddenly and rode buses to different places to teach deaf-blind people how to communicate using the deaf-blind alphabet which is conveyed by touching people’s palms and wrists. One person was blind and almost deaf and was trying to learn the deaf-blind alphabet before he became completely deaf and blind. One deaf-blind person forgot the deaf-blind alphabet and couldn’t communicate anymore. I think one blind person grinned while sitting next to his wife or sister when he said he forgot Braille and was going to be completely deaf soon but also didn’t feel like relearning Braille or learning the deaf-blind alphabet.

The movie showed a person who was born deaf and blind. He was dressed very professionally in a button-down shirt and sweater and was maybe 20-years-old. He had a facial expression like he had Down Syndrome or something like that. He hit himself in the face really hard with a ball and made loud noises and punched his own face sometimes. The noises he made sounded like seals or walruses maybe. No one had ever tried to “draw him out.” I think his father bathed and clothed and fed him for 20-years without trying to communicate with him. The movie said deaf-blind people who are born deaf and blind can be “drawn out” and eventually learn to communicate with other people. I believe the movie when it says that but I also feel unable to comprehend how that happens.

The movie followed the person who stayed in bed for twenty years as she rode buses to places to attempt to communicate with other deaf-blind people in hospitals throughout the country. I think the country was Germany. In one scene a lot of deaf-blind people went to a zoo. It showed deaf-blind people holding sheep and I think monkeys and I think getting licked by horses. I’m pretty sure there weren’t ostriches in the movie but I have images of deaf-blind people getting licked somehow by ostriches. During the zoo scene I felt emotional and sometimes grinned. The zoo scene was in a kind of montage and seemed to me like a parody of Hollywood movie montages but in way that made me feel Werner Herzog wasn't at all thinking about Hollywood movie montages when he edited it.

At the end of the documentary three people are on a bench. One is a deaf-blind man. The other two are the deaf-blind man’s sister and I think caretaker and her friend who is also a woman. The deaf-blind man is sitting between the two woman who are talking to each other. After one or two minutes the deaf-blind man stands and walks away. The camera follows the deaf-blind man away from the women who continue talking to each other. The deaf-blind man walks over a grassy lawn to a large tree that is alone on the lawn and stands there feeling the tree’s trunk and branches with his hands for a few minutes until the movie ends.

When I think about being deaf and blind I feel like crying. I feel like I would just sit there crying. It would be really strange. I wouldn’t be able to hear myself crying. If a deaf blind person talks aloud or screams things a normal person will probably go to them and touch them and that would be the only feedback the deaf-blind person would receive (unless both people knew the deaf-blind alphabet) for talking or screaming things. That is kind of funny I think. I know I really wouldn’t cry if I was deaf and blind. I would probably accept my situation, or accept the "reality" of it, after a few days and then my life would maybe be almost completely the same as before in terms of emotions. I honestly believe that. But maybe I’m not sure. I would feel really alone if I was deaf and blind. But people who read my poetry probably think “this person is really alone and depressed, probably he can’t be more alone or depressed.” Being deaf and blind might improve my life. Some people might say that’s a stupid thing to say, like I should be grateful for what I have, but it honestly to me seems not any more stupid than a deaf and blind person saying it might improve their life if they were not deaf and blind. It might be harder for me to be in power struggles involving other humans or be affected by certain hierarchies or be affected how certain people or things look like, or various other things that cause me to feel uncertainty and despair, if I was deaf and blind.

7x news item

brandon scott gorrell interviewed me about his poetry book (read reviews here; order here or here)

here is my blurb for during my nervous breakdown i want to have a biographer present: "Brandon's first poetry book feels to me like 'a classic.' It seems to exhibit the 'high-quality' versions of meaningless, irony/sarcasm, and depression that I seem to 'crave' in literature, and I anticipate rereading it maybe 10-30 more times in my life (think I've reread it 3-7 times 'already'). I also anticipate regularly referring to Brandon's first poetry book in conversations with people, or with myself, in my head, for the next 1-30 years. In my view, based on what I know about the following things, 'new levels' of tone, sarcasm, meaninglessness, 'feeling bad,' and self-awareness have been conveyed by Brandon in his first poetry book."

my facebook url is now http://www.facebook.com/kmartrealism

meridian interviewed me

i interviewed clancy martin (clancy martin god debate)

i published poetry on my tumblr (2, 3)

reviews of 'the brandon book crisis' (~70 units still available) can be read

During My Nervous Breakdown I Want to Have a Biographer Present (Muumuu House, 2009) by Brandon Scott Gorrell "has arrived"

Copies are available from Brandon Scott Gorrell (signed; recommended), the Muumuu House store, and Small Press Distribution. The launch party is July 3 at PPOW Gallery. The official release date is June 20.

To interview Brandon, request a review copy, profile Brandon, or profile Muumuu House email muumuuhouse [at] gmail.com or contact Brandon directly through his blog.

"Such hilarious, surprising, aphoristic poems. They do not stop at funny: they move into the territory of sad; the drab panic of daily life." - Deb Olin Unferth

"I like these poems. I really do. They made me laugh." - Matthew Rohrer

"I feel lonely, and while I'm lonely, reading this book makes me feel less lonely." - Noah Cicero

"I have been going through a thing lately of not feeling like I want to read, unless I 'have' to (like I'm on a bus or something), but I read Brandon's book and enjoyed it a lot and felt excited." - Chris Killen

During My Nervous Breakdown I Want to Have a Biographer Present (Muumuu House, 2009) statistics:

Paper: 55# Rolland Enviro Natural (100% recycled)
Pages: 88
Word count: ~10,100
Size: 5.3125" x 7.75"
Weight: ~4.7 ounces
1st printing: 2500
1st printing weight: ~692 pounds
Style: offset, perfect-bound, paperback
# of poems/stories: 37
Author photo credit: Nylon Magazine
Font: arial (exterior), helvetica (interior)
Goodreads page: here

Muumuu House books are distributed by Small Press Distribution or directly at a 58.33% discount. Lifetime subscriptions are available for $100. For more information go to Muumuu House's Facebook, Goodreads, or Twitter. Thank you for your time.