should i bid on tao's myspace account, are you asking yourself that

interest in my myspace account being on ebay seems 'extremely low' after an 'initial flurry' of links and bids

my internet presence seems 'dead'

i have an image of an 'upside-down ant'

an ant lying on its back, or 'carapace' (unsure if ants have that), with x's over its eyes if you 'zoom in'

i feel okay

seems like my career is over

i feel calm, like a turtle 'sipping' pond water

is the dog to the right a visual representation of my career, seems likely

feels like i'll be a manager at taco bell in 2-3 years

almost every post on this blog that i make now seems to me like something i would see as the last post on a blog that hasn't been updated in 5-8 years

i feel that winning my myspace account can cause you to get mad hits

you could post my personal messages on your site

corporations should feel interested

institutional investors or something

bookforum or the village voice or htmlgiant could buy my myspace account and do things with it to increase their hits

can't people see that profits can be made, when will bookforum 'open its eyes'

elimae could buy my myspace account, seems funny

i wish james yeh would buy my myspace account

any 'random ass bro' could buy my myspace account and send bulletins promoting themself

when pieces of toast with jesus on them sell on ebay it's mostly local business that buy them, i feel, in order to promote themself

does this not have the same potential

should i have taken photos of my myspace account showing the face of christ on the computer screen

where are my fans that have real jobs at banks or google or something, have they left me for n + 1, 'where is all the money going,' is everyone just buying beer or something

do i have fans that aren't really poor high school drop outs with marijuana-smoking fathers

doesn't anyone want to 'be me' anymore, perhaps i am in a 'dead' phase where interest in me is shifting from 'real' to 'ironic'

i can think of 'nothing better' re my myspace account's auction than if the members of htmlgiant 'teamed up' to win it

i feel afraid of what i might type next

going to end this blog post now

a new, 'really retarded' ('yet functional, i feel') gimmick has arrived ('again,' i guess)

my myspace account is on ebay, if bidding exceeds $666 i'll block out all information that causes people to think my myspace account 'isn't really tao lin' and affirm to people that 'it's really me' even as 'the new owner' is repeatedly myspace-messaging adrian tomine or whoever

seems like it 'doesn't matter at all' if my identity doesn't exist

is the internet real, is the internet becoming 'more concrete'

feels like the opposite, like the internet is becoming 'even more abstract,' is almost now 'beyond my range of "comprehension" or something'

if people cause people to associate 'bad things' with the concept of 'tao lin (b.1983),' causing people to 'treat me differently' 'in real life,' like hate me more or something, in concrete reality, will i be able to 'trace back' how people are behaving toward me to 'me not being in control of my myspace account anymore' or 'me not doing a lot of work to dispel rumors about me'

or will that be too complicated for me to think about, and i'll just feel more amused, and less 'sad' or 'bored,' or something, that people hate me for 'no reason that i can remember' or are talking to me about 'things i have no memory of'

seems almost preferable to 'have no identity' and 'have little or no agency' re what people know about me or how people behave toward me

in concrete reality, at any point in my life, currently, i 'see' maybe 1-4 people 'regularly'

everything else seems 'really abstract,' like it's all 'inside the internet,' a strange place where i feel okay with anything, it seems

i'm glad i won't have a myspace account anymore, i feel that my internet presence is 'making more sense' now

in the past i used garamond and had a .blogspot url

after this week i can type 'in the past i had a myspace account' and have it be accurate

not sure about the tone of this post, seems like i've 'given up' in some ways

in other ways it seems like i 'finally care,' in that i 'finally' am 'getting rid of' my myspace page

perhaps i have 'simply' 'evolved' to a different 'level' of [something], 'leaving behind' 'even' the concept of 'giving up' or 'not giving up,' in the same way if i had half my brain removed i would lose 'even the possibility' of certain concepts, 'hehe'

6-11x news item

the launch party for ellen kennedy's sometimes my heart pushes my ribs is this saturday, april 25th, at 7 pm at cafe orwell (247 varet street, off the morgan L stop), there will be free alcohol, copies of ellen's book will be $7, go here and here for more information,

after ellen kennedy's launch party there is the gigantic launch party one L train stop away, off the jefferson stop, from 8 pm to 3 am i think

i interviewed malcolm gladwell and was interviewed in issue one of gigantic

for recent ellen kennedy information go here, to order her book go here

follow me on tumblr to regularly see things not able to be seen on this blog

i'm in issue one and two of gustaf who interviewed me here

*still available* i have a baby grand piano, it is in an apartment i'm not in anymore, the people don't want it there anymore, if someone pays for people to move it you can have the grand piano, it is off the montrose L stop, it will cost maybe $200 to move it from there to your apartment, it was in a playboy photo thing, email binky.tabby [at] gmail.com *still available*

art ordered from the tao lin store will now be mailed within 24 hours, i have received the prints, previous orders have been mailed

my publisher/editor was on tv

a gmail chat between me and carles has been posted on muumuu house, for 2x 'locus of moderated shit-talking' ('unsure if "locus" is used 'correctly') go here and here

'5x-8x additional centers, or "locations," for shit-talking, unmoderated' are available here

essay about Brandon Scott Gorrell's DURING MY NERVOUS BREAKDOWN I WANT TO HAVE A BIOGRAPHER PRESENT and the future of Muumuu House

2500 copies of DURING MY NERVOUS BREAKDOWN I WANT TO HAVE A BIOGRAPHER PRESENT are being printed and shipped for ~$3700. Muumuu House and Brandon have discussed things and it has been decided that Brandon will, instead of a 50% profit share, receive a one-time "package" of 600 copies of his book ($7,200 retail value) and $800. The $800 will be paid to Brandon ~April 30th; the 600 books will be shipped to Brandon ~May 20th. Brandon's potential profit after Paypal/shipping costs is ~$6,500. Muumuu House's potential profit is ~$6,000 (see below) and that it will become unnecessary to some degree to do certain things that "seem like a job," for example keeping records of fees paid to SPD/Amazon/Paypal.

(In facilitation of "Brandon's quest to achieve $6,500" Muumuu House encourages you to preorder signed copies directly from Brandon and read his blog post about how he spends money and other things related to the blog post you are currently reading.)

Muumuu House anticipates mailing/giving ~500 free copies of Brandon's book to bookstores, magazines, people whom Muumuu House likes/wants to share the book, people "in the lit game," people "in the target demographic," people at parties/readings, friends, "strangers" on the street or in stores.

1400 copies (2500 - [600 + 500]) at $12 each equals ~$16,800.

$16,800 (1,400 copies sold at $12 each)
- $3,700 (printing/initial shipping of 2500 copies)
- $4,500 (estimated amount paid to Amazon/SPD for ~700 copies sold through them)
- $2,000 (estimated amount shipping copies to people/Amazon/SPD)
- $1,000 (packaging/shipping 500 free copies)
- $0,800 (Amazon, SPD, ISBN, Paypal, etc. fees)
- $0,800 ("bonus" paid to Brandon)
+ $2,000 (surprise packages/lifetime subscriptions, etc.)
_______
_$6,000 (potential profit for Muumuu House)

I feel it may take ~1 to ~5+ years to sell ~1400 copies. I feel strongly that Brandon's book will become "a kind of classic" (as I feel with Ellen's book), that it will be referred to by people in the future and remain "known" for 10+ years or something, and that Brandon's second poetry book, blog, first novel, etc. will continue to generate interest in Brandon as he remains alive, and doing things, in the world; and so I felt secure, and other things, printing 2500 copies. I anticipate 2nd, 3rd, etc., printings of any book published by Muumuu House

I feel that the amount of money I directly gain from Muumuu House will be something like -0.50 an hour to $1.50 an hour. I paid a 60% down payment on the 2500 copies today and currently have ~$500 in my bank account. I am expecting a ~$5,500 check from Melville House ~April 30th, a $750 check from Poetry Foundation ~April 25th, a ~$175 check from Action Books ~now, and maybe other checks I don't remember right now. I think I receive ~$10 - $75 a day through the Tao Lin store and the Muumuu House store. I feel financially secure. I feel that "steady cash flow without doing things I 'don't want' to do" is "closer" than it was 6 months or 1 year ago.

I feel that I would rather "shut down" Muumuu House or do bad things to myself than "complain" about anything re Muumuu House, do anything to make a Muumuu House author "unhappy" or like "another thing has caused them to feel disappointment, in the world," or "other things of 'this' nature."

I feel that promoting Muumuu House in a mildly passive manner, with attention toward not causing people to feel that "the world sucks" or "another shitty thing has been created"; giving away many free copies of Muumuu House books; publishing only people that I like, can talk to without feeling "weird," communicate with often, and to some degree "won't get angry at me (or 'at all') or feel 'really and unselfconsciously bad,' due to their worldviews, I feel, if their book 'completely fails' or if other 'bad things' happen to them"; and being "very generous, relative to other publishers or other business things" to Muumuu House authors are things that make my life seem more exciting to myself and (in terms of not becoming increasingly insane or depressed or bitter, or other things, over time) more "sustainable," like I'm not on a "shit-slide to hell," but perhaps even the opposite.

In terms of finances, despite "direct" gains being negative or 1/6th of minimum wage, I honestly feel that "overall" I "probably actually" will make more money, in the long-term, having Muumuu House, because there will be more money-related opportunities for me, due to more people knowing about me; more people "feeling okay" supporting me by buying my books; more people knowing about and "investing" their time and money in me and other people associated with Muumuu House, people who link me and who I link; and more things happening to me, in my life, to distract me from "crippling" forms of "low-level, vaguely illogical, ultimately unmotivating existential despair" or "unsarcastic, 'melodramatic' severe depression" that would decrease my levels of productivity and therefore the amount of money I can make.

To elaborate on the word "sustainable," from above, I feel that the chocies I am currently making will contribute to me feeling (when I am 30 or 50 or something) to some degree "really calm" and "consistently beautiful and meaningless" and maybe "strongly 'okay' with anything including death." (In terms of writing/"art" I feel that those attributes are ones that will cause me to more effectively make or do things that will cause me to feel excited.) I feel also that I will be in control of some kind of thing (Muumuu House, or something else) that is "not highly in oppository reaction to anything else" but independent, and "personal," and therefore separate, to some degree, from "shit-talking entities" or other types of things that make me feel "confused," "bad," or "like I'm entering, or reentering, into worldviews that I feel will make me feel 'bad,' are not 'sustainable,' in my view, and (perceiving worldviews as artistic, or existential, things) are not worldviews that I enjoy 'experiencing,' whether inside my own head or from other places)." In extension of that, I will also have wide-ranging access and knowledge and "connections," I feel, when I am 30 or 50 or something, to people and organizations that I like; that are, to some degree, the opposite of "shit-talking entities," "not making or promoting 'art' that is highly in oppository reaction to other things," "non-existentially political things," "[unsarcastically views] 'things of art' as 'good' or 'bad,'" or "[certain other things]."

Another thought I have had is that I will continue to "lose" money for the next 3-8 years, and, because of that "investment," then "move into" something else, where perhaps more money than I normally spend will come toward me steadily, and at a steadily increasing rate, at which time I will "still" continue to "lose" money, but by doing things I have never done before, in my life (and experiencing "new" feelings caused by those things), like giving money to certain people openly or giving away like 5,000 books for free in weird ways or buying ad space in weird places and making the ads weird or something. If I can create a system where most of the things I do or am in contact with are "free of shit-talking or 'implied' shit-talking," where most of the things I do or am in contact with are not "a highly oppository reaction" to something else but "just 'what [I] like,' regardless of what it is 'copying' or 'similar to,' regardless of what 'already exists,'" and where most of the things I do or am in contact with are "leading" toward a "more pure" form of itself, in that it is rarely "stagnant," I feel that there is larger chance that when I am 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 I won't unsarcastically hate my life, other people, or life itself; and that when I am 70 or 80 or 90 I'll be able to die without [I don't know, feeling "really confused" or "bad" or something maybe].

Thank you for reading about Muumuu House and my thoughts about Muumuu House and the future.

Edited draft of an "introduction" by me

for the issue 1 of It's Nice That (republished in further edited form at Thought Catalog)

"Nice"

I think I am glad the word "nice" exists. It allows people who "like" certain things to abstractly describe those things without using the word "good." I feel that using the word "nice" to describe something can imply "I like it but it is not wrong to dislike it" whereas using the word "good” can imply "I like it and therefore it is wrong to dislike it." In conclusion of this paragraph I think the existence of the word “nice” allows people who think “there is no good or bad in art” to say things about art things while still feeling like “there is no good or bad in art.”

In terms of abstractions I mostly associate the word “nice” with calmness, detachment, cleanliness, and denying one's urges to allow others more opportunities to satisfy their urges. My strongest concrete association with the word "nice" is maybe any kind of scene where a 15-45 year old male walks in on a sexual act between a male friend and a female (that he and his male friend had earlier discussed) and then says or thinks "nice."

My main usage of the word "nice" is maybe thinking "nice" to myself whenever something happens where “reflexes” show they are effective, impressive, and recently successful. For example if I am walking to a table and a muffin unexpectedly falls from my hand and me or someone else catches the muffin before it touches the ground I will automatically and immediately think "nice." The more perilous the situation, like if the ground is really dirty or the muffin is “heavily frosted,” the more intensely I will think "nice” probably.

But I feel that no matter how intensely I think "nice" I will always think it in a calm, detached manner. If my head is about to be severed by a guillotine in 12th century England and people are spitting at me and calling me a traitor, and I am thinking hard about how to escape the situation, and I see someone in the crowd accidentally drop an ear of corn then catch it less than 12 inches from the ground with their foot, I honestly feel that I would stop thinking about how to escape from the situation in order to focus all my energy on thinking "nice" in a calm, detached manner.

The word “nice” makes me feel more meaningless and accepting of death maybe. If “there is no good or bad in art (or, viewing ‘everything’ as art, no good or bad in anything)” then it is neither good nor bad if I die (or something like that).

In conclusion I like the word “nice.” If there are ten people in a room and one person says “[a painting or book or something] is good” a certain conversation will occur whereas if one person says “[a painting or book or something] is nice” a certain different conversation will occur. I currently prefer participating in and listening to the second kind of conversation. I would like to add that I usually do not really think or do not often think "nice" or "not nice.” I usually think things like “wow,” "funny,” "haha,” “[nothing],” “damn,” or combinations of those like “wow, haha.” But I feel maybe that most or all of those could replace “nice” in this essay and not change the essay.

new bear parade book

nervous assface by brandon scott gorrell

lifetime subscriptions to me are available in the 'tao lin store'

tao lin lifetime subscriptions are $250 in the tao lin store; subscribers receive (earlier than other people) personalized U.S. editions of all tao lin books including those already out and any future limited edition chapbooks, art books, or 'guidebooks'

also available, notably, are $25 surprise packages of things from my room that i will sign or draw on and mail to you and numbered, glossy, signed prints of my art; these and other ads are 'in rotation' on hipster runoff