'best behavior' by noah cicero
has been published by noah cicero on his blog, it is a novel (info) about one man's journey to new york city to have his photo be taken in a photo shoot, i have read and enjoyed it, an excerpt can be read on muumuu house
3 Comments:
yes!
pretty funny
I am posting the best part here:
We went to Popeye's. Popeye's was down the street from Petra's apartment. It was a place where people eat fried chicken...
All of us walked with drunken swaggers...
We stood at the counter. John was running around screaming, “FRIED CHICKEN, BITCHES!”
Hu Chin and Petra were both holding cameras getting different angles.
A young Asian man stood at the register. He was over-weight and considered his job as a worker at Popeye's honorable...
John Walters very excitedly said to the Asian man working the register, “Isn't America awesome?”
The man at the register replied, “What would you like to drink?”
John persisted, “America, this is my homeland. I'm from Homeland Security and I want to know if you think America is awesome. If you do not I'll consider you a terrorist and then I'll waterboard your dick off.”
The man at the register, “What would you like to drink?”
John Walters said politely, “Hmm, a Mountain Dew. I'm from Philly, I'm ghetto.”
The Asian man did not know what the fuck he was talking about.
We all sat down together like a big family of assholes.
Hu Chin and Petra kept recording.
Jason and John ate their chicken like savages from a movie,
devouring each piece in the most absurd way. I didn't know what was going on. No one had informed me of the experiment in meat eating.
Hu Chin then put the camera down and ate fried chicken. Usually he was a god of Vegan Behavior. He wrote many Blog posts on the evils of meat-eating. His theory was that gazelles run away from lions, therefore we shouldn't eat meat.
It was logical. There he was eating chicken. I had assumed that Jason and John were also vegans.
Nobody seemed to mention it though. Everyone was happily eating meat...
Everyone ate meat and loved it...
We finished eating and walked down the street. Hu Chin came up to me and said he felt sick. I said, “That's why I ate that little bowl. I eat meat every day...”
“I ate a chicken sandwich from McDonald's the other day.”
“How did you feel then?”
“Okay.”
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I am posting my comments here:
Anonymous said...
Great story. This is the most devastating criticism yet of the vapidity, immaturity, stupidity and general idiocy of the literary crowd around Tao Lin - the degenerates Gorrell, German, and Malone; the psychotic Kennedy; the pushy and obnoxious Taylor and Antosca; etc.
You're so much better than these people, Noah.
You've exposed the venality of Tao Lin better than any of his other critics. That he wolfs down chicken in that appalling scene at Popeye's, where everyone demonstrates just what kind of subhuman douchebags they are by treating a working class guy at the register - someone like you - with such contempt, is just another example of Lin's shallow hypocrisy. He lectures people on how immoral it is to eat animals and of course among his friends "nobody says anything" when they see him gulping down Popeye's factory-raised birds. (He needs to read Jonathan Safran Foer's new book.) Why doesn't anyone say anything? Because they all know Tao is a phony, because they are phonies themselves.
This is a breath of fresh air. You are a genuine human being compared to the scum you encountered in New York. And it's great that an "outsider" who had "insider" access could be the one to finally do in Lin and his crowd.
Compared to this throwaway work by you, Shoplifting From American Apparel is a piece of shit.
--
Now, Tao, I want you to comment in this exact way:
"@anyonymous sweet"
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