jesus
seems like my life is 'tapering off'i see myself with my eyelids down a little, making everything 'darker'
i'm 'actually' typing in the dark right now, reinforcing my 'feelings of bleakness'
the screen is illuminating my face
the screen is illuminating my knuckles
seems like 'momentarily' i'm going to 'wither away' to 'nearly nothing' in a fast-motion 19-second clip that would go viral on youtube if it was a tuna or salmon 'withering away' instead of me 'withering away'
feels like i just paraphrased either 'nine, ten' from 'bed' or my twitter account circa ~40-60 days ago
feels like i'm crawling inside a small tunnel that is getting smaller
at the end of the tunnel is something 'absurd'/'non-sequiturish' like a sears catalogue or horseshoe crab
my entire life is to prepare myself so that 'final thing' 'makes sense'
feels like i'm in the 'correct mood' to write a science fiction novel in the mode of 'sirens of titan' era kurt vonnegut
is this blog post anything
can i write an existentially-minded science fiction novel in the mode of kobo abe's 'inter ice age 4'
or should i 'just die' 'soon'
looking forward to people's answers in the comments section
brandon scott gorrell is 'hanging out' with tobey mcguire and ray liotta tonight, according to a text message he sent me
should i start a 'lit news' section at the top of this blog in the style of hipster runoff's 'alt report'
just had an image of happiness 'eluding me,' seemed funny, saw a kind of 'shadowy but not scary at all' figure (representing happiness) running in a curvy manner behind a large, plastic structure on a playground
feels like i just paraphrased something from the 'leftover crack' story in 'bed'
49 Comments:
take lsd
hehe
fuck bro
bro, i can't tell what's going on anywhere anymore
'in fact', reading about you 'withering away' and 'happiness' or something confused me so much i kind of hit my face, 'head on' with my hand
my face hurts now. i still can't tell what's going on
i 'have yet' to pre-ordered your book because i don't know where i'll be living in september
can i just paypal you $15 and get a digital version?
i'm watching 'one hundred and one dalmatians' (1961) via youtube right now instead of 'working on my career'
suggestions?
i'm glad i'm not you
why do you feel so worthless?
i don't know anyone so unhappy in real life as you are
i hope for your sake this is just a 'pose'
Nick McDonell
this guy has written 3 books & is younger than you
he is richer than you
he is more popular than you
he is much, much happier than you
how does that make you feel?
why does everyone try to imitate your voice when they talk to you. just wondering.
moderately relatable post
1) we're all in that tunnel
2) "and my entire life is to prepare myself so that that 'final thing' 'makes sense' " - more profound than perhaps you even intended
3) my all-time favorite passage from vonnegut is when billy pilgrim sees adam and eve in the patina of the german officer's boot
4) i definitely don't think you should 'just die' 'soon'
5) a 'lit news' section would be cool, or you could just blog about "the book you're reading" or "a movie you just saw", as i'm sure your readers are also reading books and seeing movies and would be interested in what you had to say about those things (topics outside 'yourself')
6) have you considered writing a children's book?
volunteering at your local spca?
or old-folks-home? (you could read out loud to them- one hour a week- they'd love it)
just sitting and "being"?
7) @buttercup: watching 101 dalmatians = sweet
i hope american apparel carries your book at some point so i can shoplift it
I get to choose my identity when posting a comment, that's excellent, I'm in disguise
I agree with the redpencil, I like your book reviews and reactions and would be interested in seeing, what you're interested in. Your style of review is never snotty or condescending.. though I guess I haven't seen you write about anything you didnt like.
Tao Lin what would you say is the feel-good movie of the past year
the girlfriend experience
'the girlfriend experience' seemed pretty sweet
my favorite movie by steven soderbergh
tao lin
please submit poems or stories to my new journal wtfpwm and then be less depressed
thanks,
wtfpwm
jesus
who are you
i enjoyed 'twelve' by nick mcdonell
nick mcdonell is in 'eee'
one of the characters named 'nick' or something
or some other name, i don't think it's 'nick'
This comment has been removed by the author.
I think I feel the same way and I think it's because of what you wrote in the Stranger about Seattle being like a 12 yr old Native American Boy reading Sherman Alexie in a Starbucks
But then I smoke a cigarette and it's all cool. Maybe you should smoke.
'made out' with ray liota last night
hi jose
walking on sand looks really hard. i like something about this sad pic.
pow!!!! huge shoplifting banner
Tao shouldn't be compared to Nick McDonell, who had all those connections to famous writers, writer parents, editors, the literary world, publishing establishment. Not that Nick isn't a good writer, but life was made easy for him... like for Frank Rich's sons (Alex Witchel's stepsons) Nathaniel Rich and Simon Rich, their path is smoothed for them.
Tao is the son of immigrants (I don't know if English was even their first language) who grew up far from NYC and probably didn't know any famous writers and editors growing up. He did everything on his own. That is much harder.
When you see someone in writing or acting or whatever who gets well-known young, the first thing you should do is find out who their parents are. If they are not famous/connected people in the particular field, then you know they got success on their own and it is well-deserved.
Really.
Also, how do you think articles get into the NY Times, etc.? Someone's friend/parent/mentor who knows people puts in a good word...
It is all a kind of fix.
It is the difference between being president when your father was president and your grandfather a Wall St CEO & Senator and being president when your father was a Kenyan student and your grandfather was a working stiff in Hawaii.
I come from that world so I know. My grandfather owned a well-known company and his wife was a congresswoman.
Tao's success is the result of his own initiatives and talent, like Obama's.
Sounds like you're probably in that place of doubt right now where people who decided to forge their own paths instead of following predetermined ones find themselves now and again.
Just hang in there for a while and you'll be fine.
Remember: nothing is nothing.
@ anon....
thanks for bringing up nick mcdonell and offering your comments, they are right on target
i saw the nyt article yesterday but didn't want to be the first to mention it here
the article made me: wanna barf/feel 'vindicated'/wanna defend any 'unprivileged' artist trying to make their way
i was a 'scholarship kid' at an 'ivy league' and i was around 'those kids', and my parents couldn't even afford to 'fly me home at thanksgiving', and i often wondered what i was even doing there
glad i'm back in california
keep up the good fight, y'alls
"represent" tao.
we love you down here in gainesville.
PS: i'm submitting to wtf...
I think that you've just redefined clinical depression in modern terms. Feeling like you're paraphrasing your Twitter account. Please write to the APA and ask that this be added to the DSM-IV.
an 'anonymous' that isn't shit-talking me
but 'actually' defending me against shit talkers
damn
so sweet
Tao wrote:
is this blog post anything
Yeah, it's unprofessional.
You're a grown-up writer now, someone who's published several books which have sold well, someone known to at least a good number of people, someone you see quoted on various website, the subject of articles in magazines, given a certain amount of respect befitting your accomplishments and your artistry.
To see you writing childish stuff a person would expect to find on a high school student's LiveJournal is embarrassing.
You are not a kid anymore. You're at least 10 years to be posting adolescent moaning and groaning.
If you have personal issues, discuss them with your friends or a therapist offline.
First of all, it is boring to read your complaints.
Second of all, most of the readers of this blog haven't published books, made money from their writing, don't have book contracts, don't get their picture in New York Magazine, etc. We have our own problems. We understand that even well-known writers have problems, but do you have to tell us your stupid midnight thoughts?
You are a good writer but you're only doing yourself harm by some of the childish 'i feel like i'm going down a black hole' moans and whatnot.
Stop it.
don't take lsd
last anonymous needs to get off his 'high horse' or something. probably hasn't published anything ever.
not all of us experience anxiety or angst or existential dread while typing, or blogging (or eating, or drinking, or going out in public, or driving home from the same boring job every day, or going down into the cold, dark cellar, or while worrying about money or one's 'purpose' in life or connecting with other people)
and not all of us 'process' by writing, well or poorly, creatively or otherwise
but some of us do
some fancy themselves a giant insect upon awakening
some make millions churning out bodice-rippers
or sappy warty hogginess
(note to self: google barbara cartland)
from an old review of tom robbins: 'tom robbins writes the way dolly parton looks"
'it takes all kinds to make a world'- fletcher christian
tao's writing is hip, cute, funny, youthful, wistful, tweety, 'hehe-ish', sympathetic to animals (some of which can talk), vegan-friendly, teen-friendly, persons-of-all-ages-who-feel-out-of-touch-with-reality-friendly (i've read his 'target demographics' list- it's funny!) etc etc etc
honestly, what's the harm?
i suggest one reads 'Psalm I' by Allen Ginsberg
an excerpt:
"All work has been an imitation of the literary cackle in my head.
This gossip is an eccentric document to be lost in a library and rediscovered
when the Dove descends."
first anonymous should explain why anyone should take lsd
seems like the only people who think lsd is 'cool' are people who've never done it
dmt and psilocybin were fucking great
honestly feel likd lsd 'poisoned my brain'
i have acid flashbacks / auditory hallucinations / other problems related to irresponsible drug use so uhhh whatever
seems 'obvious' those problems are my own fault but you really should be careful of your surroundings and the company you keep if you plan on doing anything like lsd
seems 'obvious' most published things aren't worth reading even one time
hope the rest of the week goes by well for everyone
tao, if you do decide to do LSD, i volunteer to 'babysit' you during your trip.
in the tao lin mindset, acid will knee you in the face repeatedly until you think honestly about your contributions and stop trying to make money off meaninglessness.
didn't recommend it as something fun to do. it was tongue in cheek remark to encourage getting perspective.
i like your writing, just think it'd be interesting to see what you'd take out of trip to the edge.
think someone could write a good science fiction novel involving drug experiences
instead of drugs people do [something else] and talk to aliens or something
just wasted the one idea i have for a novel
fuck
wish i could write a kind of poetry that is like moving through different planes of consciousness with feelings alternating between grace, beauty, stability, and [something else]
seems hard to do that in a calm way but i'd like to
i dislike being overwhelmed with feeling
even 'love'
cuz i'll just get hurt or something
don't want to put a negative thought into anyone's head
think everything is a kind of language in a way and the way i perceive 'language itself' has changed somehow
hope this makes sense
bored
think everything is a kind of language in a way and the way i perceive 'language itself' has changed somehow
makes a lot of sense.
si no tienes nada bueno que decir, callate la boca.
don't read what you don't like. nobody puts a gun to your head and opens up this site and says, "read, you little bitch," and the slaps you with the butt of the gun for not reading quickly enough to be able to post before your boss notices you're not being productive.
i don't like psychedelics. i love heroin and marijuana, but i'm working on fortalizing my soul (I'm making a fist with my hand in my solitary computer room at the UF Library West right now, in the dark listening to the hypemachine, and I pound my chest with my fist because I thought the word "soul") to never do dope again.
i am content with my life.
i feel worried most of the time
offer: three authors write book via correspondence?
author 1: you
author 2: me (epi arias) <--google
author 3: tyran grillo <---repeat
shiny meta-brains, into funny, and spiraling out.
if TAKE, you can email me. if LEFT, no hard or squishy feelings.
i think it's a good idea.
tao if you do lsd i would like to gmail chat with you.
No news
Just read another blog =l
I am accordingly very grateful to the Valve, and especially to Jonathan Goodwin, for letting someone with my credentials (viz., none) participate in this event.
magic bullet
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