i think hits are down, help me not cry or eat excessive carbs on july 1
on july 1 will increased hits, when comparing may to june, be made evident, on the computer screen, or will i cry in my room while eating 1000-2000 calories of organic pasta and then drink one beer, listen to jets to brazil, and probably feel bored
i have been told that 'nicer weather' combnied with 'no school' has created a situation of decreased hits 'for everyone'
lack of shitstorms + nicer weather + no school = potentially bad 12-month sitemeter chart
seems bad, i felt worried looking at that equation, i thought about how someone told me about viral blog posts, that a blog needs them, that adding stumbleupon, digg, reddit, and other buttons on my blog posts can increase their potential re going viral
then i thought about how i could make a blog post where i try to 'retroactively' go viral
i will now recommend blog posts that you can link on your blogs, facebook accounts, tumblr accounts, twitter accounts, or email to friends, i will comment on each blog post and year
2005 - seems like a really long time ago, can't really imagine what it was like 'back then,' have 'hazy' images of 'myself eating pasta,' 'though in conjunction with what unit of information do i not have those images?'
writing and the internet and my novel - an msn blog or msnbc blog or something linked this and it got 'mad hits' but people then seemed to forget about it, i feel mildly afraid to reread it, seems like it's probably 'retarded'2006 - seems like a really long time ago but much less long ago than 2005
kmart, kmart realism; the rise, struggle, decline of - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, i have distinct memories of thinking 'this is really good' while working on it then while walking to the bathroom, being in the bathroom, and walking back to the nyu computer lab where i was working on it; i think i confidently felt that it was 'really funny and "sophisticated" or something' and felt like people would like it and it might go viral in 'the lit blog world' (when it was posted no one seemed to care, it got 2 comments)
an essay by joy williams - i read this essay in an anthology in 'bobst library' when i was 'kind of obsessed' with literature, later i typed it onto the computer
i went fishing with my family when i was five - a video of me reading this is available here, seems like if this were a children's book it could 'go viral' 'in real life,' i can see 'hip' 70-year-olds buying it but i can also see oprah-watching 70-year-olds buying it (i can also see other kinds of people buying it)
an essay on the difference between people who read nicholas sparks and people who don't read nicholas sparks - i feel afraid to reread this2007 - seems like a 'really modern' year, feels more like 2170 or 7000 than something in the 21st century for some reason, seems like i 'miss' 2007 'big time'
11,000 word post about the functions of 'editing' someone that isn't yourself - i feel mildly afraid to reread this
i blogged about every story in my 2nd bear parade book - i started rereading this and felt a medium amount of approval toward it then felt mild fear and mild to medium amounts of boredom and stopped rereading it
a blog post about richard yates' oeuvre - i feel afraid to reread this
a two-part essay by me about writing - i feel really afraid to reread this
i blogged about every poem in my 1st poetry book - i feel 'pretty certain' that if i reread this i would feel bad
an essay about wanting to read at clayton banes' bookstore - i reread this and edited it a little while rereading it and liked it, felt impressed at times2008 - seems like 'one of the shittiest years i've been alive' but for 'no concrete reason,' probably just because i don't associate the number '8' with modernity or 'high quality meaninglessness' but with things like hamburgers, 'unsarcastic severe depression,' and 'lives lived without any detachment at all'
a blog post about self-promotion - i feel vaguely afraid to reread this
a blog post about noon magazine and kmart realism - i feel mildly afraid to reread this
giant blog post for journalists - would be funny and 'really sweet' if this post went viral, seems like people used to click on this post in the past but not as much anymore
an essay about cho seung-hui's killing rampage - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, have emailed this post to people when they ask me questions about certain things, this post is maybe recommended for people who think i'm 'retarded' or 'immoral' or something
the giant moose - i want to collect my animal things into a book maybe
the moose and the gerbil and the confused manatee - i felt surprised seeing this, don't really remember writing it, seems like i needed to be in a certain mood to write it, a mood that is maybe 'rare'
the nearly-severely depressed bird - i typed 'the nearly-severely depressed giant bird' at first (in this blog post)
the disappointed ant - i think ants are funny 'in theory' but when i look at them i feel 'really unfunny' emotions inside of me
giant blog post about readings i did in california and washington and oregon - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, i feel i've probably alienated 90-98% of the people mentioned in this blog post
the vegan muffin - i like my prose style in my stories with animals in them
penis dictionary - i feel mildly afraid to reread this, it was rejected by mcsweeney's, i remember thinking more than once that it was 'really funny' and would 'probably go viral' (when it was posted no one seemed to care)
opposite of song of myself - for an amount of time i wanted to write more poems like this and have it be the style of my 3rd poetry book; today i feel that this poem is 'enough' of its particular style and that my 3rd poetry book's style continues to elude me
excerpts from fernando pessoa's 'the book of disquiet' - i like this book, seems like people feel weird about this book, in that people i thought would like it seem to feel weird about it and are quiet or kind of disapproving when i ask them about it
a blog post about the mississippi review and kmart realism - i feel mildly afraid to reread this
2009 - seems really good, as a year, like a new version of 2007; think i might just like odd numbers more than even numbers, seems so close to 2010 that when i think about it it sometimes feels (contrary to my concrete reality) like i'm living in a glass dome in another galaxy where there are no cats, wood floors or other surfaces that have become impossible to make 'look clean,' or motor vehicles larger than ones that seem immediately 'notably small'a giant blog post about stephen dixon - i feel mildly afraid to reread this
the gay stepdad - i feel midly afraid to reread this
a lot of people including clancy martin, deb olin unferth, and david ohle blogged about one event - i felt really surprised when i saw this while making this blog post, seems like clancy martin and deb olin unferth are really famous now, feel surprised they did this, still feel surprised right now, as i type this; hope this blog post goes viral retroactively, feel certain it won't
a giant blog post about various things or something - i'm going through this blog post adding descriptions to links i have pasted here, and i read this link, and i don't know what it is, seems this post is notable only for being 'giant' and 'various,' not sure if something like that can go viral at all
promote my career for me - i think this blog post was effective and got someone to add a 'bio' box on my wikipedia page, seems like i don't feel afraid to reread this blog post but also feel no urge to
a really giant blog post - seems like this blog post is notable for being 'really giant,' wonder if anyone will click this link
kafka is 'emo' - this post has excerpts from a kafka biography
a guide or something to kmart realism - this post has a 'kmart realism reading list' i think
a blog post showing i can be trusted - i feel medium to large amounts of fear re rereading this blog post, i feel 'retarded' for having made this blog post, seems like certain pressures caused me (in a moment of 'weakness') to make this blog post, a blog post i normally wouldn't make, but i'm not sure, seems like i'm being a 'little bitch' right now in this description, would 'albeit' be okay with this blog post going viral
a blog post about phrases that have been associated with me or something - this post probably damaged my career by doing what a journalist could have done in an article 2-3 years from now that would cause me to become iconic to some degree; instead i made myself 'less iconic' by demystifying myself or something
the '1st ever' blog post about muumuu house - i feel tired, this blog post is 'taking so long'
'shoplifting from american apparel' promotional post part one - more promotional posts will arrive soon
the 'can't concentrate' manatee - i feel tired2010 - seems calm yet scary, not sure really, i see sunlight and grassy fields and full-page reviews in bookforum but i also see myself eating kashi cereal alone in my room while listening to the same bands i listened to in 12th grade whenever i felt 'really sad'
my development as a human being - i feel tired
a review of a book with jean rhys in it - i feel tired
a review of 'u and i' by nicholson baker - i feel tired
a kind of giant blog post about me being in germany - i think i like this blog post, someone emailed me saying it should be published as a book, i think i would like that, feel very mildly afraid to reread it
an introduction for 'it's nice that' issue one - i feel tired
a post promoting that my posts go viral that itself is a post that i want to go viral - i feel tired
36 Comments:
"i have been told that the weather being nicer and people not being in school is creating a situation of decreased hits 'for everyone'"
I can confirm this.
first
i linked your kafka post on a kafka post i just wrote
It's probably because you seem to do a lot of 'promoting other people's book release date party' blog entries and less 'structured emotional short-story writing'. I'll bet hits would increase if you continually offered more content, like a short story (The Gay Stepdad), or some more poems (I hate my blog/ I want to start a band)
i feel like the really giant post from 2008 isn't really that giant.
hm. i was coming to your blog everyday from jan-april. then in may i was like 'this guy is self-obsessed, condescending, vain' for some reason, and i got kind of mad. and i also felt the same way about the commenters.
now i feel you are being more humble.
internet is confusing. always.
i think that fewer blog hits might be a good thing because it means that less people are sitting around bored doing nothing
im sitting around bored and i'm pooping right now
i feel like this viral blog idea is kind of cool
i feel like digg and stumbleupon are pretty cool too. my girlfriend can sit at her computer for literal hours hitting that little stumbleupon button. she finds some funny shit
it feels like that would be a good way of getting blog hits but im sort of afraid of starting to use those things in the same way that i was sort of afraid of getting a blog or a gmail account or a whatever
right now im pretty afraid of twitter and i read some of an article about twitter in time or newsweek or something and it seems like twitter is becoming a legit way of promotion
my boss wants me to add a twitter feed to our company website
seems retarded
however, blog hits are good too
means that people are interested in you / me / us and that we are less worthwhile / more interesting and -- in a way -- more useful human beings
my blog is born out of a sort of self-obbsession which im sure is really the root of blogging in general
if anyone comes up with a more true reason for blogging please argue with me
i dont know
my blog hits are down and i feel kind of sad about it. i feel a sort of urgency to blog more yet i feel like i have less and less reason to blog
it sucks kind of
i feel like zachary german should stop posting "first" on everyone's blog because a lot of the time he's the 2nd and im curious if this is meant to be ironic or if he's just slow or confused or has a bad internet connection or something
bros
I'm commenting on a blog post.
i feel like this blog post is successful
i want to have a beer with you and hug
in arkansas the weather is this: 92-98 degrees all day long
it makes me feel angry and depressed and like i'm checking blogs when others aren't because it's not so disgusting everywhere else
but i have a new job / didn't have a job for the last 5 weeks or so
so i'm not checking blogs because of that
because i'm there a lot or whatever
we don't open for a few more days
serving coffee and things, food
ok
The term crying (pronounced [ˈkraɪɪŋ] from Middle English crien or Old French crier) commonly refers to the act of shedding tears as a response to an emotional state in humans.
some thoughts on the 'monotone/passive personality':
pros:
-shows a lack of care for impressing others with an outgoing personality. and thus shows that you care about other, possibily 'more important things'.
-saves energy, hydration, etc.
-it can seem approachable at first.
-good for portraiture
cons:
-seems self-absorbed.
-people who have very outgoing personalities sometimes feel offended by it, because they value their own personality very much.
i think manning pronounces the offset sound in the utterance of "crying" in a weird manner. i pronounce it as an alveolar nasal, but hey IPAed it as a velar nasal. are you british or something manning? "weirdo."
spackle hose dungeon moose, stop counting hits like they matter
why do you care?
i really did love the post about you in germany. i wrote to you about it and asked that it never disappear.
mostly i'm leaving a comment to tell you thanks for bringing the word "shitstorm" to the front of my attention. it has become my current favorite and it seems to describe almost every situation at my job. i think it probably 20x a day and have even begun to say it aloud.
an example: yesterday, someone told me we were expecting a kidney biopsy on a woman who is 19 weeks pregnant. kidneys stop working and 19 weeks pregnant? total shitstorm.
what a great word.
dont you realize theres an email going around by some bloggers etc saying to boycott u & ur site
@[ hi
@ryan sweet
@juan nice
@michael hi
@ryan hehe
@(yeah) interesting
@andy hm
@em hm
@anonymous hm
@dottie sweet
@anonymous hehe
i liked a post you did sometime in fall of 2007, i think, about somebody who said wes anderson was only for white bourgeois pigs, and you made fun of them. you should do more posts like that. but that would prbly also be a risky move if you want more hits. or a a good move if you want more hits. i dont know.
is it this
should i add it to this post
i just read the wes anderson post, i like it a lot, probably you should add it to the list.
i haven't been very active on the internet but i have no reason for that, maybe because i work 40 hours a week and am taking a summer class, maybe, but i don't think that's it, i still use the internet daily, i just don't type things on it, no reason
your hits in june are still significantly better than january
@tomhanks glad you read it and liked it
just tried to reread it and felt confused by the second line
felt unable to comprehend what i was conveying
going to edit it a little right now
i liked your post on the curtis sittenfeld story from a long time ago. or the story you linked to in that post was good enough so that memory favors the post.
this post is definitely good, though.
Mr. Tao : I share part of your mental absorptions about stats. My hits and visits go down dramatically on friday night, and saturdays, making me to suspect that other people actually have a life. I mean parties, knowing strangers, doing crazy things on the street as shown on E! channel.
That make me angry and envious.
If you are really desperate, you can turn your blog into a maximalist one on july one, with a lot of colour, flash animations, animated GIFs, rolling planet earths, livespaces-esque fairies, adds, pictures about everything, links to a thousand other sites not realted to you in any way, and playlist players.
It wil be shocking and the word will spread and everyone will come here to check it out.
Then, on middle july or august you can put the white background and lower case initials again.
Karen Eliot is a multiple identity, a nom de plume, or multiple-use name that anyone is welcome to use for activist and artistic endeavours.
are you shane jones or another shane
another
i searched 'shane jones' and read a bookslut interview with him. i like that he favorably mentioned in watermelon sugar and i want to read his book now.
two shanes
sweet
tao tao tao tao tao tao tao tao
are either of us real people?
I'm not.
Maybe Matt is.
tao,
it is raining in edinburgh. i have heard people say that it will remain this way; forever more. they say the word 'dreich' often. i hope that this makes sense to you. you need to move to a small island in northern europe. those who cannot fish blog.
big love
I live in a small island in Chiloé, Chile, and fish for survive, and blog.
gonna buy yr books as soon as my paycheck clears. currently my bank account is at $2.39. i was skeptical, but you kind of won me over, tao.
not looking good
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