where are my interns
where are you (plural), i know you existno i don't
i don't even know if you exist anymore
have you left me, why, and are you coming back
do i need you, can i just get new ones (history)
i would like someone to spray paint hamsters and other animals on buildings for me in the style of the things here (or like to the right)
i would like someone to be arrested while doing intern work and then publish an account of their time in jail in a 'south american dictators' themed issue of 'vice'
i would like powerful interns who become more famous than me five years from now, appearing on the cover of 'people' holding a baby; conversely i would like severely depressed interns who 'cease to exist' less than five months from now
i would like to develop 'highly clinical' relationships with interns that will allow situations where they are drawing things in my room for me to sell on ebay while i comfortably exercise naked less than five feet away
i added myself to american apparel's wikipedia page, i have become my own intern
i remember a time when i had interns that weren't me, it was a different time, in some ways a more hopeful time, amounts of money seemed maybe possible, it felt like i could just sit there and things would happen
perhaps my career is over, because i don't know where my interns are
why am i alone, without interns
i don't even know if humans who view a percentage of their identity as 'tao lin intern' exist anymore, is the 'tao lin intern' extinct? or 'simply dormant,' waiting for this blog post?
i feel i am not promoting myself hard enough, articles about me still mention my writing
in the future when an article is written about me it should not be apparent to the reader that i have written books
58 Comments:
hi tao - i havn't clicked through your blog in some time. my ears were ringing, i suppose. hi tao
I've been a subterfuge intern. I e-leaflet people your writing. I estimate that this has been responsible for at least 5-6 purchases. These can be broken down into: 1 bed 2 eee-ee and 3-Cognitive behavioural therapy.
I conclude that your poetry is most popular.
Someone told me that Foyles is now stocking Eee-ee. I will go to Foyles and stick leaflets in John Updike books and raymond carver books that say 'Read Ee-ee' by Tao lin. I'll put some copies next to joy williams and anne beattie so people browsing them will become aware of tao lin.
As an intern I have specified my duties to the following:
1. Defending you when/if people say that you suck.
i just 'name-dropped' you and bear parade and ass-hi books in an email interview for Dogmatika.
hi ryan, hello
hi tom, good job, 5-6 purchases, what is foyles, is that a supermarket
hi catherine, oh good, thank you
thank you chris, i will read and discern that in the future
I would be willing to intern.
I just linked your blog and Muumuu House on my site (www.ryanbarone.com)
i think it would be positively life affirming to be tao lin's intern.
thank you ryan barone
hey cory
http://muumuuhouse.blogspot.com/
This post has been removed by the author.
http://famous-mythology.blogspot.com/
maybe the new york times will write an article about your interns like this article about the girls of billy elliot. a sorority out of the spotlight.
or maybe the new york times will write an article about how you got your interns pregnant called Her Bulge, His Book and Their Plan B.
"RECOMMITMENT Bob Greene with Oprah Winfrey, who has gained 40 pounds."
haha
"“You had just signed a contract with me, no alcohol,” retorted her trainer, Bob Greene, who has overseen her diet and exercise regimen since 1992. “And you had said, ‘Can’t I get out of it?’ ”
On the surface, Mr. Greene was making a point about honoring commitments to yourself. But given recent headlines — and the apparent tension between the two — it was hard not to hear a deeper message: this is not my fault."
haha
“It’s a very positive thing for me,” he said, “and book sales aren’t suffering.”
is there some site i can read that is like gawker, it seems like gawker just links news things now and not like talk about safran foer or keith gessen or things like that
if you wake up make coffee and watch these shows in this order it is equal to reading the old gawker: martha stewart, the bonnie hunt show, style by jury, charlie rose, ellen, oprah.
http://gorpieszorgies.blogspot.com/
My friend and I will spray paint hamsters on places for you and MAYBE get arrested.
keith gessen on oprah would be 'awesome'
thank you david jones
i am with david and i will be involved with him
tao lin,
i have put up posters of your art 'everywhere' and i like watching people look at them.
nerve > gakwer
i'm a tao lin intern. i say make the list.
also, please include things that won't get me arrested and therefore preventing me from ever getting a job to pay my rent.
<3
dude i emailed the department heads at my college to get you money for a future reading, i think i am already your intern (i met sarah v. the other day and that is how this happened)
i made you this (you've already seen it)
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=19241120&albumID=180229&imageID=47567918
does that make me an intern?
is there a salary?
where do i file my expenses?
I put one of your books into someone's mailbox.
I'll bet you're delicious, TL.
thank you 'jhurd'
thank you cory
yes ryan manning
thank you erin
hi shauna, i have been told of what you are doing, thank you
thank you chris
thank you '*'
yes mike z
i've never done anything in my life and i want to be your intern.
i am here. i am still your intern.
http://taolintern.tumblr.com/
This is me. I have literally created a blog for this purpose.
where is your blog adriana
are you the adriana from myspace
personage, i remember you, one of my star interns, good job for still being here
good job on the pun roo
Im not doing anything at all in london and want to be your intern. how?? i can do good things for you here in london like tag your name on the streets or something. let me know. also i already bought your book. E.E.E. hope u dont mind the acronym but im afraid to misspell it. I also bought Updike's Rabbit chronicles last night along with your book. I havent read them yet. Have you?
INTERN!
but whoa werner herzog (or someone with the handle werner herzog) is commenting on your blog.
you should make a sticker with the depressed hamster on it. I would put those stickers all over LA. Miranda July would put those stickers up. Mike Mills would put them up too.
internet success.
haha
Two scoops of "Oh Yeah."
Interns. Internettes. I'm clever.
walrus, i have read 3-10 pages of 1-2 of the 'rabbit' novels
i think i was once known as 'the asian john updike,' i think a time out new york editor said that
mandy, yes, i want to do that maybe, or spray paint them
glen, hi
chris, hi
dewey, hi
sable, hi
i'm not creating a list of tasks anymore, i feel i would prefer if interns think of things to do and tell the other interns what can be done and work together doing those things
i deleted how to become an intern from this blog post
it is now unknown how to become my intern, yet i still seek interns
lol
after 9/11 nothing will ever be funny again
Hi Tao,
I would really enjoy being your intern. I'm not sure exactly what the position entails, but I'm a college student in San Diego and find myself with a lot of free time which would otherwise be spent in front of the computer. I love drawing cute animals as well. Are you still in need of interns, or have you found your missing children?
Thanks {:
hi ivy
thank you for your interest
there is no limit to the amount of interns i will 'accept'
thank you
if you're bored you can try adding me to mcdonald's wikipedia page maybe, mcdonald's is featured in a short story in BED you can read here
tao
i tell all of my friends about your books, can i be your intern
Tao,
I've made a request to add this to the "See also" section of the McDonald's page: Tao Lin, a novelist, short story writer and poet, features McDonald's in a short story in his book BED.
What other task do you suggest?
Also, is there another way of contacting you?
it took us about an hour, the A train kept bouncing back and forth ping pong(ing) us.
i was really hungry,
i got quiet and artur wanted to talk.
i felt bad.
when we got home i toasted bread with agave nectar and warmed up soy milk with organic peanut butter in it.
i then fell asleep.
now i'm at the studio drinking black coffee.
Ryan Manning, that 9/11 comment made me laugh
chael, yes
good job ivy, i looked at it, it looks funny
you can just keep doing things like that if you want
i have a gmail account
I would like to apply to be a Tao Lin intern.
If the primary qualification is "word of mouth" and disseminating opinions then I will continue to not keep things to myself.
If the secondary qualification is being witty and charming then that may prove more difficult but I will attempt to do so.
JK
thank you
do you have a blog
can you be an intern that responds to comments on my blog for me
like pretends to be me
but has your own user name
just pretends to be me
like types 'thank you henry' if someone named henry says they like me or something
i think that would be funny
Hi Tao,
You can add me if you like givonnep@hotmail.com {:
Hi Tao,
Would love to do an interview with you for my blog where we discuss the marketing of,well, you.
link to blog: http://whatduvetsaid.blogspot.com/
email me
binky.tabby gmail
Sorry
Wow, somebody drinks warm soymilk with peanut butter in it. I might try that. I bet it'd be good with cocoa too.
hi
I moved a pile of "shoplifting from AA" to a more visible spot at Urban Outfitters today and have been telling everyone to read it.
<3 ur work.
<3 u Tao.
<3 ur brand.
h8 80-99% of your target audience.
enjoy watching your books sell though (via working at UO).
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