pre-order books
i'm trying to make some money, there are some things i want to buy
i am taking pre-orders for the following books
i promise i will finish, publish, and mail any book that is pre-ordered
i am also taking lifetime subscriptions to every book ever published by me including any limited edition chapbooks and all editions of each book for $500
paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com
i am serious, instead of buying shoes or a new rug pre-order my books
think about the things that don't exist because i lack a large soundproof space near a train with a drumset and piano and recording material, a video camera, no financial obligations, and a laptop computer that isn't tiny and has programs on it
i know there is someone reading this right now with $30,000 in their checking account who doesn't know what to do with their life
the san francisco bay guardian said i have "a preternatural sense for the power and subtlety of words", paper magazine said some things about my book then said "but in a good way", time out new york said about e.e.e. that "this is no ordinary tale of alienation in the burbs"
those quotes show that i'm worth investing in as a human being
think of me as a publicly-traded company that isn't existentially required to increase profits and that you will get a return on both concretely in the form of books and abstractly in the form of poetic imagery, wonderful similes, and maybe some personification and onomatopoeia
also paypal zachary.german [at] gmail.com $15 to pre-order his novel (fsg, 2009) which is excerpted here; congratulations zachary german
though i don't approve of zachary as a person i think his novel transcends his corporeal existence and inconsiderate behavior as a human being to enter the canon immediately, easily, and firmly between shakespeare, homer, and don delillo; and with great veneration and some tears of joy i completely approve of pre-ordering zachary's first novel even though i think fsg is a publicly-traded company which means it is existentially required to increase profits
i worked very hard on my next novel, i hope i win the pen/faulkner award; there is room for me in the canon, i know this, i read on the internet that the canon changes over time, i just need to focus on this and study thomas pynchon's career arc and subtle methods of influence with regards to academia specifically people with multiple doctorate degrees; i can be in granta's best american writers that are under 30 years old, i can be in the next issue of that, i must never doubt myself in this
i don't know what happened to this post, why am i being very sarcastic, it somehow feels exciting but i didn't intend to be sarcastic at first i think, i just wanted to warmly congratulate zachary german on becoming really rich; i hope this doesn't ruin my writing career but causes dozens of people to view me as a more three-dimensional character, capable of different tones and moods and perspectives, someone with the tonal range, self-awareness, and vonnegut-esque humanity to produce books that would be of interest to them as consumers
i am taking pre-orders for the following books
1. cognitive-behavioral therapy (poetry, may 2008)$15 per book, $50 for all books
2. 'untitled' (novel, 2009/2010?)
3. i don't want to go to sleep but i don't know what i'm waiting for (poetry, 2010/2011?)
4. 'untitled' (novella, 2009/2010/2011/2012?)
i promise i will finish, publish, and mail any book that is pre-ordered
i am also taking lifetime subscriptions to every book ever published by me including any limited edition chapbooks and all editions of each book for $500
paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com
i am serious, instead of buying shoes or a new rug pre-order my books
think about the things that don't exist because i lack a large soundproof space near a train with a drumset and piano and recording material, a video camera, no financial obligations, and a laptop computer that isn't tiny and has programs on it
i know there is someone reading this right now with $30,000 in their checking account who doesn't know what to do with their life
the san francisco bay guardian said i have "a preternatural sense for the power and subtlety of words", paper magazine said some things about my book then said "but in a good way", time out new york said about e.e.e. that "this is no ordinary tale of alienation in the burbs"
those quotes show that i'm worth investing in as a human being
think of me as a publicly-traded company that isn't existentially required to increase profits and that you will get a return on both concretely in the form of books and abstractly in the form of poetic imagery, wonderful similes, and maybe some personification and onomatopoeia
also paypal zachary.german [at] gmail.com $15 to pre-order his novel (fsg, 2009) which is excerpted here; congratulations zachary german
though i don't approve of zachary as a person i think his novel transcends his corporeal existence and inconsiderate behavior as a human being to enter the canon immediately, easily, and firmly between shakespeare, homer, and don delillo; and with great veneration and some tears of joy i completely approve of pre-ordering zachary's first novel even though i think fsg is a publicly-traded company which means it is existentially required to increase profits
i worked very hard on my next novel, i hope i win the pen/faulkner award; there is room for me in the canon, i know this, i read on the internet that the canon changes over time, i just need to focus on this and study thomas pynchon's career arc and subtle methods of influence with regards to academia specifically people with multiple doctorate degrees; i can be in granta's best american writers that are under 30 years old, i can be in the next issue of that, i must never doubt myself in this
i don't know what happened to this post, why am i being very sarcastic, it somehow feels exciting but i didn't intend to be sarcastic at first i think, i just wanted to warmly congratulate zachary german on becoming really rich; i hope this doesn't ruin my writing career but causes dozens of people to view me as a more three-dimensional character, capable of different tones and moods and perspectives, someone with the tonal range, self-awareness, and vonnegut-esque humanity to produce books that would be of interest to them as consumers
27 Comments:
what the fuck
focus on the art not the artist
focus on these nuts
so im a bit confused. your next novel that is coming out in 2009 or 2010. is this cognative behavioral theory or after that? because i thought cbt is due next month.
i just got eeeee eee eeee and bed in the mail today. i began reading bed. so far so good. i'm excited to read more. i will let you know how i feel after i am done.
This is a video of tao lin reading from his new novel.
It's really funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
cognitive-behavioral therapy is coming out may, 2008
i don't know why there is confusion
thanks for buying my books
TAO LIN,
Thank you for cutting a promo on me.
I feel like your promo cutting skills will take you to the top of the RAW roster. You will soon be battling John Cena and HHH for the belt on the main event stage of all the pay per views.
You will be rich. You will be surrounded by divas. People will ask for your autograph when you are leaving the arena. You will forget to sign them because you will be cutting more promos on the divas about how they better be good in bed.
I don't know why I am being so sarcastic. Maybe, it's because I am sleeping.
Maybe it's because you have not tried falling asleep lately.
I have cried two tears today in the shower but I could not notice them because of the water from the shower. My tears and the water mixed together and I could not tell which was which.
TTB
now i understand. i looked at youtube material of you and noah cicero as well and see where youre 'coming from' so to speak.
good luck.
thank you ttb
thank you ignacio for your continued support
Your lifetime canon + shipping is worth more than $500, I think.
i have always thought of you as three-dimensional, though i've never met you in person.
if someone wants to pay more than $500 that's okay
good idea eu
thank you mazie
$500 bucks on a 23-year-old Updike, Pynchon, Oates, Roth, or Tom Wolfe would've been a good payoff. Junot Diaz, slower payout.
You might die before you write those other books.
(This is not a threat. I hope you live long.)
Your real problem is that people with money tend to be older, like 40 or more, and they are not interested in what you write about.
You need to write more stuff to appeal to rich adults.
my themes are existential
You need to write something like "Rich Dad Poor Dad" that millions of people will read.
Some kind of self-help book.
Existential themes don't make money.
i will never not write existential themes
This coming September, after GWB manufactures a crisis in the Strait of Hormuz paving the way for John McCain's victory in the general election, when unemployment hits 9 percent, and when the dollar's shotgun wedding with the peso ends in divorce, Americans will grow miserable and desperate enough to mistake Zachary German's hollow David Berman recital for a legitimate new trend in fiction. They will be wrong, of course, but they will have four whole years to be wrong.
I guess FSG figures it can't sell Roberto Bolano anymore?
This coming September, after GWB manufactures a crisis in the Strait of Hormuz paving the way for John McCain's victory in the general election, when unemployment hits 9 percent, and when the dollar's shotgun wedding with the peso ends in divorce, Americans will grow miserable and desperate enough to mistake Zachary German's hollow David Berman recital for a legitimate new trend in fiction. They will be wrong, of course, but they will have four whole years to be wrong.
I guess FSG figures it can't sell Roberto Bolano anymore?
miles, i don't relate to your comment because you used the abstractions 'wrong' and 'legitimate' without defining a context and a goal and without sarcasm
i am related to sarson wheems.
Legitimate fiction brings to our hearts distinct beams of golden joy, though the entrance of this joy can only be legitimate when placed in the context of an electoral process whose ends are not rigged at the polls or beforehand.
Wrong is anything the leprechaun whispers to the editorial intern when he or she, inspired by an unnecessarily additional cup of coffee and the uniform successes of his former colleagues at the Columbia Publishing Course, digs too deep in the FSG slush pile for a nugget of fool's gold.
Does this contextual/sarcastic delineation make you happier, tao? or am I still a little bit happier than you are?
Hail Obama.
This comment has been removed by the author.
money comes easily and frequently
i sure wish i had $30,000 in my checking account.
i sure wish i had $30,000 in my checking account.
You are funny, Tao Lin.
And Fred's wrong because I am old (comparatively) and I like Tao Lin's work. But maybe that's because I don't have $30,0000 to give away.
"Think of me as a publicly-traded company." HA
Post a Comment
<< Home